THE OFFICIAL BLOG OF THE LANCE, THE UNIVERSITY OF WINDSOR STUDENT NEWSPAPER:
NEWS, REVIEWS AND COMMENTARY, COURTESY OF THE PAPER TRAIL

Friday, March 30, 2007

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year #2674












Will this man be the next WWE Champion? Lady Trail certainly hopes so.

Good Lord Windsor, if there's anything better than Wrestlemania, I'd be hard pressed to think of what it might be. I might be a disgrace to my penis when it comes to any other sporting event, but when it comes to a couple of musclebound greaseballs engaging in improvised choreography with a predetermined outcome, I am right there, ready to shell out my 50 bucks for a four hour Pay per View.

So below, find my picks and predictions for this year's square circle spectacular, after the cut for your protection.

Get in the ring, sucker!

Surely there will be a couple throwaway matches tacked onto the card, but we have to deal with the matches we already know about.

Chris Benoit v. MVP [US Championship]: Chris Benoit, I weep for you. From winning the title in the main event in Madison Square Garden to possibly curtain jerking this year, it just breaks my heart. What breaks my heart even more is the likelihood you'll be lying down for MVP, who is still green as grass, but could use the title more than you could. It'll be interesting to see if you can get a good match out of him.

Kane v. The Great Khali: Every Wrestlemania needs the big and slow match, I'm just happy the Undertaker doesn't have to suffer through it this year. My favourite thing about Khali is that he's so frigging slow, he throws a punch in a short weekend, but his opponents have to sit there, stunned with awe I suppose, until he connects. Anyway, Kane keeps bringing that hook to the ring with him lately, so if that comes into play, this could be the best bad match I see this year.

Melina v. Ashley ['Lumberjill' match for Women's Championship]: Clearly, Ashley is only in this match because she showed her goodies for Playboy. I expect she'll walk out with the gold for that same reason, leaving my lovely Melina to throw a tantrum in the ring, maybe get stripped by the Divas for the extra embarassment factor. It's a shame all around, since Melina has really stepped up as a heel champ the fans actually care about [well, as much as they care for the Women's championship].

ECW Originals [Sandman/Sabu/Tommy Dreamer/RVD] v. The New Breed [Elijah Burke/Kevin Thorn/Matt Striker/Marcus Cor Von]: Who here thinks the pioneers of extreme will get to have a Wrestlemania moment?

Yeah, I don't either. It's been clear for months now that ECW is just the 'C-Show' for WWE, I can't see Vince giving the rub to guys who made their names elsewhere on his show. Look for Vince's guys to take the match, likely with RVD looking at the lights for good measure. What a waste. Still, how awesome is it to have the former Cor Von [formerly Monty Brown in TNA] wrestling on the big show?

Edge v. Matt Hardy v. Jeff Hardy v. CM Punk v. King Booker v. Randy Orton v. Mr. Kennedy v. Finlay [Money in the Bank Ladder Match]: The main reason I'm shelling out the dough. You know this match will give you the first 'Oh My God!' of the night [though the ECW match might pull something out]. Plus, it's the most up in the air for me, since there's a few guys in there who could make a credible claim to the title shot.

I think it's safe to cross Finlay off the list, since he's upper mid-card at best. Edge doesn't need to win this match to be a legitimate challenger, so I don't think he'll take it either. I feel the same way about Booker. Matt Hardy is well, Matt Hardy [dude can't catch a break to save his life], and I don't see them giving it to Jeff after working the 'small guy wins title' story with Rey Mysterio last year.

So that leaves Orton, Kennedy and Punk. Lance EiC thinks Punk will take it, but I think they might build him some more, which might not be the smart thing to do, but this is WWE creative we're talking about. I haven't been watching Smackdown lately so I don't really know how Kennedy's been moving up the card, but if he's been gaining ground giving him this match to win could push him to the main event.

But...my gut tells me that the creative dept. looks at Orton, their one time 'youngest World Champion' and wonders where they went wrong with him. Giving him the title shot could put him back on top, plus they have the immediate program with Edge following 'Mania.

Donald Trump, via Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon, via Umaga [Hair v. Hair match]: Clearly, this will end with Vince getting the buzz cut, but I wonder how they'll do it and protect Umaga's character. The 'Samoan Bulldozer' hasn't been looking quite as dominating lately, with a couple of clean losses to Cena and handed the IC belt as consolation prize. They should probably have Vince cost himself the match, decking Umaga with a chair on accident, or some other excuse.

The unknown factor here is Steve Austin as guest referee. Unknown in the sense of, 'Will he give Trump a stunner?' You know they're begging Trump to do it, since that's guaranteed to get played all over the place, and might give them a ratings boost for RAW. Not like, Mike Tyson with D-X boost circa '97 boost, but a little something. Picture it, Trump celebrates, goes to high-five Austin, who returns the gesture then stuns him for the hell of it, because that's what Austin does. They've been teasing it on show commentary this week, so it'll be interesting to see if Trump goes for it.

Unrelated: man, if they use him right, Lashley has the potential to be a monster for them. He's big and strong, but he's quick, too, which is not something you see in a guy his size too often.

Shawn Michaels v. John Cena [WWE Championship]: Probably most excited for this match. Love him or hate him [and I go in the former], Cena has worked his ass off as Champ. He may not be a technical wizard, but he has improved in-ring, and it'll be damn fun to see what Michaels can get out of him. I think they built a little too long on the angle before having Shawn lay out Cena on RAW last Monday, but I know my curiosity has been stoked enough to pay to see the match.

As for the result? I'm a sentimental fool: Cena's had a good couple of years as champ, including a pair of Wrestlemania victories. Plus, he's young, he'll be there again. But Shawn Michaels has totally stepped it up and become RAW's real most valuable player ever since HHH got hurt last year. Not bad for a guy with a bad back who officially retired 10 years ago. Give him the strap one more time. And don't turn him heel when you do it!

Undertaker v. Batista [World Heavyweight Championship]: Probably the closest thing to a no-brainer for me this year: from everything I've heard, even though he's one of the most ego-less boys in the back, Taker is fiercely protective of his Wrestlemania win streak, and with one more to go for 15-0, plus a title match, I don't see him giving Batista the title and the first win over him at 'Mania. From what I've seen of the Royal Rumble this year, both Taker and Michales put on a clinic when they were the last two guys left, so I say give 'em both the belts. It's been a couple of years with no title changes, and if any belt's gonna switch this year, I say this one.

So that's it, Windsor. What about my fellow mat junkies? Take issue with my picks? That's what comments are for.

Oh, and don't call/email/MSN/MySpace me between 7.00 and 11.00 Sunday night. And D'Arcy, I expect to see you telling the world I smell from the third row, dammit.

The State of the World: Casual Friday

Scanning my RSS feeds, it's not exactly a barnburner out there, Windsor, so I think we may as well keep it light.

Bend over, Stephane
The Harper government is in the midst of editing another series of ads designed to attack Liberal leader Stephane Dion, this time for going against last week's budget, even though polls suggest the budget was popular with Canadians.

The ads, combined with the perceived weakening of the Bloc following the PQ's spanking in the Quebec election, has only heightened debate on Parliament Hill on the merits of a spring election.

These are not the droids you are looking for
Well, tomorrow is April 1, and there was a sort-of plan to keep you on your toes around here, but it has unfortunatley fallen through due to scheduling constraints. No, I'm not going to tell you what it is, we might use it later.

Meanwhile, Yahoo brings you the greatest April Fool's hoaxes. I think Burger King's left handed Whopper was my favourite.

He Giveth and He Taketh Away
With Easter fast approaching, I would think religious types would be thrilled to have a chocolate Jesus to help reduce the commercialization of the holiday.

Apparently not. Though, being six feet tall, naked, and in the crucifix position might have something to do with the outrage.

Briefly
Dining and dashing is well and good, but don't do it at the same restaurant every week.

Google maps tells you how to get from Chicago to London, England. It'll only take you a month!

Creepy dude caught filming feet at a library. But since filming feet isn't illegal, go nuts pervy!

30 Rock is not the only reason to love Alec Baldwin.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Travel is Dangerous

























As I mentioned this morning, once upon a time The Trail took a creative writing course, ultimately deeming it a waste of time. Not because I didn't think any criticisms of my work weren't valid, but because I couldn't tolerate my classmates.

Granted, I'm an arrogant little shit [was then, am now], but the people took navel gazing to levels I didn't know possible, and as you've read in the past, I know navel gazing.

Be that as it may, I continued to crank out amateur poetry for a few more years, before ultimately hanging it up because I felt I had nothing left to say.

A few years back a friend challenged me to National Novel Writing Month, where you have 30 days to write a 50,000 word novella. Of course I left it to the last minute and cranked out a bad ficitonalized memoir in about a week. Still, as bad as it was, the heady rush of unloading words on the screen like a shotgun blast was hard to beat, as was the support found on the message board there. But since then, I haven't written creatively. Kind of resigned myself to the fact that I do better writing about real things better than making things up.

But people keep pulling me back. Last month a friend forwarded me an email for a short story collection called 'A Thousand Words.' Basically, you pick a photo from the offered Flickr set, then write a 1,000 word short story based around the photo, with depression as one of the themes.

While not thrilled with the idea of trying to shoehorn depression in [a topic I lack an extensive familiarity with], I knew I'd need something to keep the mind occupied while The Lady was gone, so I signed up, choosing the photo above [duh, right?].

What's cool about the project for me, though, is that the collection will never see print. It'll be compiled as a PDF and put on the web under a creative commons license [meaning: distribute as you like]. Anyone can download and redistribute it however they want, no problem. I'll be sure to give you the link when it goes live so you can all tell me how much I suck.

For all the ink copyright clashes in the film and music industry catch, there's been really exciting stuff going on in the world of publishing. Writer and Boing Boing editor Cory Doctorow has always given his books away online, and has been an outspoken proponent of the practice. But the guy who's really shaken things up is Jonathan Lethem.

Lethem is a repsected novelist [Motherless Brooklyn, The Fortress of Solitude], who has taken a shine to the Free Culture movement and what it means to own your work: ie, you don't.

As he told Salon recently:
If you make stuff, it is not yours to command its destiny in the world. God help you, you should be grateful if it has one. It's fantastic if anyone cares. Every artist should be constantly reminding themselves how lucky they are if people are even bothering in the first place. If people do something that is not as interesting as I'd hoped with my work, or if they go and make a lot of dough, that's part of accepting that I've made a gesture whose conclusion is not mine to command.
That is downright progressive.

In recent months, Lethem has put a number of his stories online for people to remix and adapt, be it plays, films, whatever. Just because he "likes art that comes from other art." The rights will cost you, though: one whole U.S. dollar, and you have to accept the fact that other people may be working with the same material at the same time. Other than that, go nuts.

Who would have thought the stodgy world of publishing would take such a forward thinking approach to its own material? Just another reminder that in the brave new world, we will all need to rethink what it is to own what we put online, and why that doesn't necessarily mean a one way ticket to poverty. I'm fairly sure I don't own anything I write here, and I know for a fact that anything you put on Facebook no longer belongs to you. I've run that link before, but think more of you could stand to watch it.

Something to think about when you're popping in your cell phone number, no?

The State of the World

41 creative writing majors in one spot? Sounds like a blast. No, really.
I took one creative writing class in my undergrad. I think it went from 12.30 - 2.30 on Tuesdays. Given my no-car-having status, the only way I could get to campus was to catch a ride with a buddy who had an 8.30 class, as well as a night class that ended at 10.00. So I was on campus for 14 hours just to make it to my two hour class. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time in the Pub playing Stratego with Troy Beadow. Scored a B+ because I was too lazy to attend conferences with my professor.

Anyway, 41 students who clearly had a better time with their creative writing experiences will be giving a reading tomorrow [Friday] in the Katzman Lounge of Vanier Hall at 7.00 p.m. Admission is free, though there appears to be a cash bar, which is fortunate, since you'll need the booze to take the edge off the pretentiousness.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.
Before you go to the reading, why not stop by Vanier's Oak Room at 2.oo p.m. for Eric Sanday's lecture "Love and Wisdom: Phaedrus' Speech in Plato's Symposium."

Says Sanday, "Phaedrus imagines the essence of love to be the power to change our lives, which he believes fulfills itself in a final, heroic act of self-sacrifice."

Umm, sure!

"I find that Phaedrus' account of love answers the philosophical demand that we change our lives in the turn towards wisdom, but I take issue with the way Phaedrus understands the defining moment of love as a concluding act of self-sacrifice."

Jiggy!

The Trail gets political for 25 seconds
Most of the young Liberals I know were down with Dion from Day One, mostly on his environmental reputation. While not a card carrier myself, I tend to align myself on that side of the political spectrum [duh] yet could not disagree with him as leader more [I probably would have gone with Rae, even though I thought Ignatieff was more interesting], a position that does not alter the more I see of the man.

Yes, Harper is a bully with no sense of decorum, but Dion comes off like that skinny kid who runs for the teacher at the first sign of trouble, calling for apologies, deriding the budget as unfair and accusing the Tories of pushing for another election.

Thing is, it's Harper's ballgame right now. Whether he 'forces an election' or not, the opposition is the one who will be doing the dissolving, with Harper shrugging innocently, and the Liberals look like brats who wouldn't let the parliament do its job.

And if I'm missing the point, guess what, it's Dion's job to convince me. Hmm, guess that Superbowl ad did more than I thought it did.

Briefly
Student suspended for wearing pirate clothes, being a pastafarian. I can't make this up, people.

Sometimes, there are no words. Though maybe this is why he's so sad.

The Trail clearly deserves a job writing headlines for this paper.

Investiagtive reporter mimics acts of accused babysnatcher in area hospital. What could go wrong?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

On Notice

Last night as I got into bed, I was thinking some more about the "talented" Mr. Malakar as discussed in yesterday evening's post, and I had a thought.

What we have in Sanjaya is an individual with no discernable talent for the field he is pursuing, yet somehow continues to persevere within it. Arguably, he even succeeds at it, largely through the support of people incapable of seeing his flaws.

Now who else do we know with similar luck?


IS THE NEW


Please make all the neccessary adjustments. Good night.

The State of the World

Proving Colbert right, again and again
Good recap in The Star of auto analyst Dennis DesRosiers' talk at the UofW.

DesRosiers said desptite the 'hellfire and brimstone' impression Windsor's current situation gives on the state of the domestic auto industry, it's actually doing pretty well.

"[W]e're forecasting between 15 and 20 per cent more sales this decade than last decade -- that's not a crisis," he said.

So the auto industry is cool, it's just Windsor's part of it that's in the shitter. Awesome!

Harper continues to deny claims he wants a snap election
Despite rampant speculation that the Tories are prepping to head for an election in the wake of Quebec's surprising election results, Stephen Harper says his government has too much work to do right now to be heading out on the campaign trail.

"I know everybody sees election opportunities in this but the public didn't elect me to sit around looking for election opportunities," said Harper.

Related: did anyone catch that ad from Newfoundland denouncing the Tories for their broken promises? I saw one in the Toronto Star and one in the Whig, so I'm assuming it ran in The Windsor Star as well. You know someone's pissed off when they pay to get their message plastered across the country.

Plight of British soldiers moves to television
Images of the 15 British military personnel captured by Iranian forces last week were plastered all over Iranian State television, including text from a letter allegedly written by one of the British detainees, apologizing for entering Iranian territory and assuring viewers the group was being well cared for.

Britain maintains that the soldiers were operating in Iraqi waters when they were captured. Iran says they would like the matter cleared up "as soon as possible."

Briefly
U.S. Army recruiter emails gay black man to tell him he is disgusting and immoral, adds that he should take his wango-tango voodoo dance back to Africa.

The L.A. Times examines Japan's crime-free culture. If you read that link from the other day showing the apartment in Tokyo, you know why: no room to hide from police.

The deadliest thing the size of your fingernail. Reason 4,582 why I stay the eff away from water.

Oddly enough, Mark Foley, the former Congressman who tried to jiggy with underage Congressional pages, still has no charges filed on him. Officials indicate the investigation is still in its preliminary stages.

Calling the police to tell them you're robbing a bank, while courteous, is hardly the mark of a criminal mastermind.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Intervention


























Oh, we are in the thick of it now, Windsor. Check your scorecards, the big payout could be yours!

Confession time: Until recently, I had never watched a solitary episode of American/Canadian/Botswanan Idol ever in my life, ever. But, as we can see from the above graphic, Daddy needs whatever he can to occupy his mind, and if that includes dulling it with crappy programming, so be it.

It would seem I chose a banner year to hop on the Idol train, as this year features the inexplicable dominance of one Sanjaya Malakar; he of the androgynous features, questionable singing ability and yes, the frigging hair.

It would appear, judging from the weeping tweens in the audience, that The Deegan Effect has begun to infiltrate American Idol, and if this is the first time it's happened, I'm shocked, since that "competition" is exactly the sort of condition The Deegan Effect thrives on, but I'm afraid Malakar's perseverence is more sinister than that.

You see, there is a growing phenomenon online dedicated to ensuring that Malakar sticks around as long as possible, in an attempt to subvert and undermine the entire show. A novel idea, and one I would generally support if it weren't for the fact that well, I can hear. Hell, even Howard Stern is encouraging his fans [the 50 left after he went to satellite] to keep Sanjaya in the game. And hell, he's already guaranteed a shot on the tour by making the Top 10, so the job's half done.

But when someone's singing is so bad it forces people to go on hunger strikes, something's gotta be done. We'll find out at tomorrow's results show.

Other thoughts on tonight's episode: While most performers did well with the songs offered by Gwen Stefani [this week's musical director], the two who fared the worst were the two who sang Stefani's own songs, the aforementioned plague Sanjaya, who did 'Bathwater,' and the typically enjoyable Jordin Sparks, who did 'Hey Baby.' Just didn't seem to click. And I know why this is, Windsor.

This is because Gwen Stefani's music is custom made for white girls. It just connects with something deep down in the souls of white girls and makes them lose their effing minds. You doubt me? Pay attention the next time 'Wind It Up' comes on at the bar. The ladies of colour will dance, but the white girls stampede to the dance floor. It's been that way since 'What You Waiting For?', and it never fails.

And whatever that...thing that makes Stefani strike a chord with white girls is, is something that Malakar [who is half-Bengali and, uh, a dude], and Sparks [who is biracial], couldn't tap into.

To think, I mildly care about American Idol. What have I become, Windsor?

I'll tell you what I've become. Someone who's pee-pants giddy that this show is finally coming to Canada.

The State of the World

Last call
Don't forget you can still catch Stephen Lewis speaking in the CAW Student Centre tonight at 8.00 p.m. You really should try to make your way there. I'll fill you in on Idol and House, don't worry.

Leone's list of partners to be used as evidence
Despite attempts by his defense team to block its admission, a list of Carl Leone's sexual partners is being allowed as evidence for the Crown attorney in Leone's sexual assault case. The presiding judge ruled that Leone provided the list of his own free will after receiving legal counsel.

The list, as wellas a videotaped interview, will be presented as Crown evidence when the case goes to trial, following the current voir dire [trial within a trial], which continues next week.

Liberals score a minority in Quebec
Bla bla Quebec election, bla bla Liberal minority, bla bla, first in over a century, bla bla stunning performance by Action Democratique du Quebec, bla bla Parti Quebecois get spanked, bla di bla bla.

Briefly
Woman left widowed by Madrid terrorist attacks attends perpetrator's trial wearing infamous Mohammad cartoon on her t-shirt.

Who would think taking home a box marked 'Grenades' found on the beach would be a good idea? Oh, Florida.

Ottawa genius eats tainted dog food to encourage her terrier to chow down, starts foaming at mouth.

The world has gone mad: woman shows up to frat house, starts masturbating, and the frat boys kick her out.

Offered without comment: British court of appeal rules a drunk woman can still consent to sex.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Weep not for the condemned

The excitement is in the air, Windsor, as Wrestlemania prepares to descend on you and Detroit this weekend.

I actually had an offer to go. Two tickets for me and The Lady, 15th row to the tune of $275. And while it would have been fun, I ultimately decided to spend that money on a road trip to Montreal with the lass sometime in June. I'm content to order the Pay per View, get some pizza and beer and park my ass on the couch for four hours. Better view that way, plus I don't have to wear pants, which is a total bonus.

At any rate, look for my picks on who's bound for glory at this year's spectacular later this week. For now, well, it is Monday, isn't it?

10 Zen Monkeys gives us the six weirdest musical acts for children.

Everyone knows the annual deranged snowmen were the best part of Calvin and Hobbes. Why has it taken until now for someone to gather a collection of recreations?

A strong dose of reality RE: living in Tokyo.

Who wants to watch a tapir get massaged? Come on, someone must!

Czech artist makes error message stickers for Windows Vista bus ads.

China's leading massive online game tells banned players they can get back in if they donate blood.

Why do great movies get shitey DVD boxart?

Houdini escaping grave, so investigators can see if he was murdered.

With that, the bell sounds, and the last RAW before Wrestlemania kicks off. Ergo, I'm out. See you tomorrow, Windsor.

The State of the World: Hot Like You Like It

Stephen Lewis speaking tomorrow
Hey all you burgeoning humanitarians, diplomat Stephen Lewis is giving a lecture tomorrow night at 8.oo p.m. in the Student Centre, brought to you by the UWSA [so don't say they never did anything for you].

Lewis is the chair of his eponymous foundation which does grassroots work fighting HIV/AIDS in Africa.

Although given the hour, you will have to skip American Idol to catch it. So how deep do those social justice stripes run, Windsor? Enough to skip heckling Sanjaya?

Ahh Spring, and the firebombings it brings
Police and fire crews were called to Gennaro Caffe and Gelateria early this morning when the owner spotted a pair of males hurling concrete and molotov cocktails at the front window. The concrete only broke one pane of the dual-paned glass, so the interior of the cafe was undamaged.

With the heavy rain the area experienced last night, K-9 units were unable to catch a scent, so the police are appealing to the community for information in this odd incident.

Pucker up, federalists: Quebec heads for the polls
I'm far too tired to offer any opinion on the Quebec election. If you've been here before, you know my thoughts on the province's political pull, so I leave the punditry to the people who care. I do not.

I am however, interested in how old Dumont and Boisclair are. Those boys don't look old enough to shave, when standing next to Charest.

Briefly
You know, if record labels wanted to court sympathy in their fight against piracy, they should probably stop suing 10-year-olds. With disabled mothers.

Update on the British soldiers abducted by Iranian forces last week. US surprised Britain didn't pick a fight.

YouTube honours the best of its own. The Lance Online, oddly, shut out.

Giant toilet visible from space. Oh, Florida.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Geek Speak
























Surely you have deduced by now Windsor, that The Trail is a gamer. There has been a video gaming system in my home ever since I came home from the first grade and found my parents had purchased a ColecoVision for the family.

Yet despite my long history as a gamer, I am hardly what one would consider hardcore. Presently the only system in the house is the woeful PS2, only because I really haven't seen anything from new systems that make me have to have them [don't talk to me about Halo. In this house we don't do first-person shooters.]. And even then, I tend to limit myself to certain types of games, namely: good fighting games, Grand Theft Auto, WWE, Guitar Hero and Final Fantasy.

Thus my dilemma as I wandered into my local retailer determined to find something to occupy my free moments for the next two weeks until The Lady comes home. I did have a plan, though.

Hard to believe, but I did not own the sequel to what some consider the greatest PS2 RPG ever, Final Fantasy X. Knowing it had gone Greatest Hits [meaning:cheap] , I figured why not take a trip back to Spira with Yuna and the girls. But I was troubled.

You've no doubt seen the commercials for the recently released God of War II. Would you believe I'd never played God of War I? Despite hearing how amazing it was from pretty much anyone who played it, despite IGN naming it the greatest PS2 game ever of all time, I was never that keen to get at it. Being a third-person brawler/adventure game, it fell outside the usual parmeters.

But sometimes a thought just burrows in your head and you can't get it out. Not helping matters was the fact that God of War had also gone Greatest Hits, and I had was faced with a gamer's worst scenario: picking between two games you're lusting for.

BUT: the store was having a 2/$30 sale. Problem solved, yoink!

So I've put maybe a good six hours into God of War by now. I love the fact that it doesn't load [amazing!], the story's pretty compelling, and I can deal with the gore [LOVE chopping the front legs off of centaurs before imapling them], but here's the thing: it's not super fun. It's fun, and it is a good game, and stylish, and violent, and has boobies [a first for me, and maybe for games. Like real, honest to god bare boobies. Nipples and everything], but I just seem to be smacking buttons without thinking, which ain't my idea of a good time. Maybe there's a strategy to it I lack, but the flow of the game seems to be: mash buttons, swing swords, rip dude in half, repeat.

Conversely, I popped in FFX-2 waiting for my laundry, and fell in love again. Even without the heartbreak of the first game, the open ended gameplay and tongue-in-cheek storytelling are far more endearing to me. Who knew I'd enjoy playing dressup that much?

What say you, Windsor gamers? Am I just a big dumb sissy boy who can't take grown up games? Or is GoW not as impervious to criticism as some would say?

The State of the World

Council not missing any meals
Following up on an earlier story about Windsor City Council's $35,000 catering bill, Ward 1 councilor Dave Brister tried to cut the meal allowance during a budget meeting on Wednesday, but couldn't find anyone to second it.

And rightly so. Council needs $35,000 for food. Have you seen them lately? They're wasting away!

Pet foods need more control: critics
Following a massive recall of wet dog and cat food, some critics are voicing concerns that the pet food industry needs to be better monitored.

Said one veterinarian: "Pet food that comes into your house, in a bag, and that people handle with their hands and that kids sometimes eat -- that will become an area the government will be forced to get involved in one day."

You would have loved watching me poring over the list of affected companies the day the story broke, Windsor. It'd be just my luck that something happens to fricking cat the one month she's gone.

I'm that kid in the corner
You don't know this, Windsor, but the drug Paxil has played a large role in my family over the last decade, as relatives deal with anxiety issues of varying degrees. It leaves me wondering if there's a ticking clock in my head and when will be the day I finally burst into terrified tears standing in line at the grocery store.

Which is why I found this such an interesting read.

Briefly
U.S. Ambassador to U.N. says Jon Stewart wrong about Abraham Lincoln. Noted and acclaimed Lincoln scholar says Stewart right.

I am officially daring my friend Lucas to join this site.

Under what circumstance would Don King turn it down a couple notches? An audience with the Pope, maybe?

Oh Goody: British soldiers captured at gunpoint by Iranian forces. Can people have the courtesy not to start WW3 on my day off?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The First Day of Spring

























Second, actually. Point is, I'm going out to play, Windsor. Maybe you'll get a second post, maybe this is your second post, we'll have to see where the day takes me.

The State of the World

Province looking to make the poor marginally less so
The provincial budget gets tabled today and most are talking about the strategically leaked plan to raise the minimum wage to $10.25 an hour by 2010.

Clearly there are differences of opinion on how such a move will impact the economy. Business leaders against the plan say small businesses won't be able to afford to pay the wage and jobs could be lost. Those in favour say the new money gets put right back into the local economy since the people with the lowest paying jobs can't afford to spend it anywhere else, or to invest it.

As a loser-wage jockey myself, I clearly support such a move. Somehow, I suspect the people making more than me will be just fine. Suck it, economists.

Prostitutes take on constitution
A group of prostitutes and an Osgoode Hall law prof teamed up yesterday to launch a constitutional challenge to aspects of the Criminal Code dealing with the sex trade [ie: decriminalizing it].

The group says while prostitution is not illegal, other provisions in the code force prostitutes onto the streets and don't allow them to protect themselves from potentially violent clients.

North Korea throws hissy fit. Again.
Remember how excited we all were when it seemed like North Korea was abandoning this whole nuclear weapon silliness? Maybe spoke too soon?

Representatives from the North recently picked up their ball and went home after negotiations stalled this week. The deomcratic roadblock centers on $25 million frozen in a Macau bank the North Korea is demanding be transferred to bank in Beijing.

Said U.S. envoy Christopher Hill, "The day I'm able to explain to you North Korean thinking is probably the day I've been in this process too long."

Briefly
Website alleges PETA kills animals by the thousands.

Coked out toddler causes a ruckus at Florida preschool.

With all the bad press Windsor's been getting lately, it's nice to see Detroit isn't getting an easy ride.

Smokey the Bear, where have you gone?

From the Joker's boner to Captain America's wank: 15 unintentionally funny comic panels.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The State of the World

Leone lawyers try to get sexual partner list tossed out
Catching up with everyone's favourite alleged sex offender, preparations for the trial of Carl Leone continued today, with the defense arguing to have a list of Leone's sexual partners ruled inadmissable as evidence.

"[Defense Attorney] Andrew Bradie said Leone and his then-lawyers were under “immense pressure” to provide names of Leone’s ex-partners so that authorities could act on a potential HIV public safety threat to the community...Had Leone or his then-lawyers known the list would be used by police as criminal evidence rather than just for information, Bradie told Superior Court of Ontario Justice Joseph Quinn it never would have been supplied."
Muslim students have it rough at Ontario schools: report
A report from the Canadian Federation of Students says Ontario colleges and universities are not doing enough to accomodate Muslim students.

Issues of concern included adequate prayer space [which you know all too well, Windsor], finding halal food on campus, discrimination in the classroom and difficulty when requesting time off for religious observances.

Anyone wanting to peep the report can get it by clicking here.

NFL gets pwned by law prof
So Brooklyn Law School prof Wendy Setzer taped the NFL's copyright message that ran on the Superbowl and posted it to her blog, because she took issue with the claim's disallowance of fair use.

Obviously, the NFL sends her a takedown notice, through YouTube. Setzer sends a counter-notice to YouTube, citing a section of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act that says material must be replaced if they get a counter notice stating it is believed in good faith that the takedown is a mistake. So back up it goes.

A week and a half later, the NFL has YouTube take it down again. Which is a no-no, and now the NFL may be in violation of the very law it's using to assert it's power. Get the full story here.

Briefly
Girls chant "Kill him!" as gang chases down and stabs 16-year-old boy to death.

To Lady Trail: Science backs me up. I am not cleaning this apartment while you're gone. Bwaha!

Welcome to last week, YahooNews: online anonymity turns people into f*ckwads.

Man robs two small boys at gunpoint, nets $1.00.

Who'da thought sex with a dead deer would only get you probation?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dear Nico





















What you gonna do when you get out of jail?


I'm gonna have some fun.

Continue reading this post.
10.40 on a Tuesday evening. JackJack's whining at me as per usual for God knows what. Some nights he just goes on an on, and I don't know what to do for him. Those are the hardest nights. Though he seems contented to lie at my feet for the moment, small favours.

I didn't tell you what happened this morning, did I?

So I was jaywalking across John A. like always, and there was this younger girl, St. Lawrence student probably, standing in the median fiddling with her pantleg. She didn't move when I got to the median, so I had to step back down onto the road to get around her, which I thought odd.

Anyway, I was waiting to cross the Northbound side into Kingston Centre when I hear this just godawful scream. I turn around and the girl is now lying on the median. So I head back and ask her what happened. She says she slipped on some of the ice and suspects she might have broken her leg. Hurts more than a sprain, she says. So I tell her I'll help her get back across the street and see if Betty can call for an ambulance or something.

She stands herself up, concludes she can't put any weight on her leg, and starts getting all coy about taking any help. I'm thinking 'screw this noise, you don't stroll across John A., and I'm late or work,' so I shove my arm under hers and get her back to the building.

I run inside and see Betty's got her note up to call skeevy assistant super if it's an emergency, but I really don't want to do that, heh. I decide to run down to the office, see if the receptionists down there can help, which they do. I brought one of them to the girl and then headed to work, the Shining Knight off to shlep at his crappy job. The weirdest part was when the receptionist praised me for helping the girl. Good Lord, I know I'm an asshole, but I'm not one to leave someone lying on the median of John A.! I swear, all the weird stuff started happening to me once I moved here.

Still haven't started working on the short story. I think I know what it's going to be about. I have setting, character, flow of events. Lots of ideas, images, phrases...haven't bothered to get them out yet. 1,000 words doesn't seem nearly enough to accomplish anything worthwhile in a narrative. I suppose it just means I have to move fast.

I changed the headline, by the way. I can see what you were saying, but I still don't think it was that out of line. After almost eight months, The State of the World has clearly set a standard of being a tad prickish in typical Paper Trail fashion. I thought the sheer idiocy of such a claim would eliminate any possibility that it could be taken seriously. But then again, I'm a big dumb penis. Surely not the last time my shortsightedness will get people mad at me.

And now it's 11.12, and I should really think about getting to bed. Figure I should try to take a round out of Jack before bed so he's not wired all night. Then up at 7.30 to do it all again. Such is life when you're gone. That is, it sucks.

So I'm off, my love. I trust you're doing well, and that all this Alt.-Prac. mess will sort itself out. Jack and I both miss you very much, and I promise I'll have our place tidied up before you get back ;) I'll talk to you soon.

All my love,
jordan

The State of the Word

Shocker!: Trail relents
Due to public outrage and Lady Trail's mild disappointment in me, the controversial Alberta headline has been removed.

Anonymous comments will stay where they are. I take responsibility for myself, not for others.

I wonder if Julien Temple had these problems?

UofW marks International Day for the Elimination of Racism
Like the header says, tomorrow is the big day, and as such there's a number of events going on throughout the campus tomorrow and Wednesday.
  • The film Race: The Power of an Illusion gets screened tomorrow at 7.00 p.m. in the CAW Centre.
  • A "diversity celebration," with international foods and cultural performances the next day in the same spot from 1.00 - 2.00 p.m.
  • A screening of Crash [the ensemble drama one, not the car-wreck sex fetish one] at 7.00 p.m. Wednesday.
Ahluwalia gracious in defeat
In case you missed it, my friend and yours Balinder Ahluwalia unfortunately did not become Canada's Next Great Prime Minister in the CBC show of the same name.

He made it to the final four, but ultimately came in fourth place in last weekend's finale, which was viewed on the big screen at Rock Bottom by Ahluwalia and friends, including local MPP Sandra Pupatello.

Despite losing, Balinder kept things in perspective: "It was tough losing. But the support has been great. If I was in Edmonton or Vancouver, do you think the local MPP would come out to this?"

Eddie, pay attention
This is how you get press on something other than plant closures.

Happy Stephen Colbert Day, Oshawans! While the man himself will not be in attendance, I eagerly look forward to seeing some of the highlights tonight or tomorrow.

Oshawa Chamber of Commerce CEO Bob Malcolmson summed up the reasoning for making a party out of losing a bet over junior hockey: "When you see it on television, and they've had it on the national news, and weekend papers have had it, it's great publicity. As long as they spell your name right, I always say, there's nothing wrong with that. The exposure that the city's gotten . . . you just couldn't buy that kind of publicity."

Briefly
You can walk across the Grand Canyon skywalk if you want to. I'ma wait right here.

See, I told you weed could make you stab your friends. Schizophrenia is irrelevant.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin goes off-script again, muses on the conspiracies to keep New Orleans down.

Florida is full of tips to help me with cat ownership.

Monday, March 19, 2007

The State of the Flotsam

Well, that was an exciting weekend.

You know the deal, Windsor. I had to work late, my dinner is just coming out of the oven, I'm reaching Nell levels on the Gollumeter and Raw's coming on in an hour. You get some quick links.

A media pirate [ie, one who sells bootlegs] complains peer-2-peer software is putting him out of business.

Hail Cthulhu! Last week marked the 70th anniversary of HP Lovecraft's death.

Elderly woman dies on flight, crew moves corpse up to first class. Bonus: doesn't notify passengers.

This is what $205 million looks like.

The scariest part is, I don't think this is fake.

Tokyo, circa 1935 and in colour.

Related. Sort of. The one Kanye track you won't hear in the club. Now why do they rap half in English?

Oh, and if you want my presidential endorsement, you can have it: Thanasse. Yeah, she's a friend, but she's also passionate beyond belief, and has pulled together a platform that actually has *gasp!* new ideas, which is a damn sight better than her competitors can say.

Happy voting, Windsor.

Toys in the Attic

The final installment of our electoral interview series finds the candidates in the sights of the student media, getting grilled on specific issues, as well as their records.



I would like to add that just because Will Ma's face shows up as the image for each of these videos, that is in no way an endorsement. He just always seems to get asked questions in the middle of the video, and that's where YouTube takes the image from.

Polls open tomorrow and run until Thursday. Do remember to get off your arse and vote, won't you?

Labels:

Friday, March 16, 2007

Ethics and Blogging = Monkeys and Dishwashers?

What I love the most about the Internet is the speed with which it allows us to communicate. This speed means that even in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, most people can still find time to post jerkwad comments on a blog or two.

Which brings us to today. Or rather, last night, when I came across the anonymous comment left on the entry for March 14:

Ha, Jenn Thanasse is looking forward to working with the student body, I'm sure she is.

Upon reading it, my first instinct was to remove it immediately. I did not. And I will not. This is why.

Contiue reading this post.
Some of you may not know this, but it is the policy of The Lance not to run unsigned editorials. Most newspapers have similar policies. That, if anything, was behind my original inclination to remove the comment. However, this isn't a newspaper, it's a blog, and the rules of blogs are more fluid, simply because of how they operate.

At the moment, Blogger only leaves me three permissions for comments: from registered users [people with Blogger or Google accounts], members of the blog [only one member of this blog: me], or anyone. Since this is a "journalistic" blog, the goal is to extend the discussion to as many people as possible, so I have the comment permissions set to 'Anyone.'

As such, when you leave a comment here, you are given three options on how to sign it: with your Blogger/Google account, by using the 'Other' button, which posts your name and a link to your webpage, or the problematic 'Anonymous' option, which some people choose to use.

So if I eliminate the option of anonymous commenting, I eliminate commenting priveleges for pretty much everyone who reads this thing. Dig?

Some have said that the comment is sexist, and as it is The Lance's policy not to publish sexist material, the comment should be removed. And they're right, it is our policy to not publish sexist, racist or discriminatory material. But The Lance didn't publish that comment, the commenter did.

It sounds like I'm arguing semantics, but bear with me, Windsor. See, this whole project is open concept. It can be built upon by whoever chooses to contribute. I might provide the bulk of the content, but anyone can add to a post simply by clicking the comment button found at the bottom of this or any other entry.

An off topic example, but a worthy one: When I made my post on the old bar I used to go to back in Amherstburg, the son of the owner left a lengthy comment telling the same story from his perspective. He didn't need my permission to do it, he just clicked a button and went. And that is what this whole venture is supposed to be.

It just doesn't always work out like that. Some people will be jerks and say things they would never say without the protection of anonymity.

I also disagree with the claim that the comment is sexist. The insult in the comment has nothing to do with Thanasse's gender, you could swap in my name and the implication would be the same. It's certainly mean, and nasty, and the sputterings of some misguided jackoff with too much time on his or her hands, but I don't think you can say it's sexist.

I know you think I'm hiding behind principle and not taking into account the real feelings that are hurt by such comments, but that's another benefit of blogs and the internet as a whole: its immediacy. Hell yes I'm aware of the feelings being hurt. You know how? Because Jenn Thanasse is someone I consider a friend, and has been for a long time. We've shared many a conversation, played many a game of DreamPhone, hell she was at my Windsor send-off last September, on my personal request. So it pisses me off to see some prick who can't be grown enough to sign their own name leave a tasteless joke about my friend on this blog.

But I will tell you the same thing I told Jenn, when I spoke to her about all this earlier today: I believe too much in the freedoms this project is supposed to encompass. The goal of this project is to create feedback, a dialogue, with as many people who care to contribute as possible.

Jenn's a public figure now, and people are going to be mean and nasty. If some of you have a problem with someone being mean and nasty, there is nothing stopping you from clicking the same button that moron clicked last night, and leaving a comment voicing your opinion.

Am I shouting into the wind here, people?

In The Mouth of the Lion

As previously mentioned, today's installment of Decision '07 finds UWSA President Justin Teeuwne putting the pressure on the candidates to learn what their leadership styles might be.



Two thoughts:

1. When did Tweeny start looking so handsome? Damn, boy, got the little chinstrap going, keeping that mop on your head to a manageable level, not bad. You could do up a couple buttons on that shirt, though.

2. Man, did he look like he was licking his chops to get at those three or what? Too funny.

Labels:

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Still Doing the Work So You Don't Have To!

In Part Two of our 'Decision '07' series, the candidates challenge each others' platforms, which you should all be familiar with if you watched yesterday's installment. You did watch yesterday's installment, right?



Tomorrow, current UWSA Prez Justin Teeuwen grills the hopefuls who want to take his job on how they'll handle the challenges of the position, so check Friday morning.

The State of the World

Reach for the top!
Keep giving it your all, Windsor! The Star reports today that academic cheating within your hallowed halls has gone up 23 per cent, which is good, but you can do better.

I mean come on, don't you want this school to finally come in first for something?

There's dumb, and then there's this
Cleveland Cavaliers centre Scott Pollard finds himself in a bit of trouble this week after looking into the camera during a timeout against the Pacers and saying, "Hey kids, do drugs."

Mama Trail used to tell me, "Son, the rich are different." Turns out she was right. The rich are different. They're stupider.

One more thing to live in fear over
Last month or so I mentioned a story about the imminent extiction of bananas. I have a short attention span, so I don't remember why they were in trouble, but they are, and apples and blueberries might be getting added to the list.

Honeybees are dying by the millions in America, and if you remember grade school science, you know bees are a critical part of plant fertilization, because they carry and distribute pollen. No bees, no plant reproduction, no food. This is bad. And no one seems to know why the bees are dying. This is worse.

Briefly
I know two people with erections right now: UK Apple store accidentally reveals quad-core Mac Pro. Hey Glenn, don't take out a loan for it.

Our old friends at Tampax get into the social networking business. What's interesting is that it's doing it on Takkle, a MySpace for high school athletes. All part of the continuous breaking down of demographics with specific social nets, so advertisers can reach who they want. Way more effective than MySpace.

Finally! ONN, the Onion News Network: You'll Never Read Again.

I'm almost surprised it took this long for Tupac to inspire someone to start a cult. The 'beheading of daughter,' part might be a little much...

Ever hear of rumspringa? The Amish right of passage where 17-year-old Amish kids are sent out to get buck wild in the devil's playground so they can make an informed decision whether to join the church or not? Well, now you have. I actually saw a documentary on it a few years back, it's amazing how quick an upstanding Amish kid can hit the skids. One day its' bonnets and buggies, the next it's crystal meth.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Doing the Work So You Don't Have To!

In all the hubbub of the Colbert shot, you may have forgotten that current UWSA election campaign is nearing its climax, and as seen in our last video, most of you have no idea what the hell you're doing.

Now look, Windsor. No one likes tearing down the UWSA more than me [it's in my job description, swear to God], and I know this hasn't been a banner year for cultivating faith and confidence in your student council, but The Trail is an idealist at heart and thinks you should all play a part in democacy anyway. You might not get a chance to influence anything on that council until next year, so you may as well do it now.

With that, meet the candidates, and their platforms.



Coverage continues in part two as the candidates take it to each other on the finer points of their platforms and records, so be sure to check back tomorrow night.

The Morning After

So judging from my Google juice today, most of you swung by today looking for the Colbert story, which you found. Now, I know yesterday I was a little unsure of how I felt about the whole thing, but with the benefit of a night's sleep, I've reversed my decision: it was frigging awesome. What I was wondering when I got home today was what the fallout would be, if any.

Oh yes, there is fallout. Eddie is not amused, people.

"When people slam the city, I don't laugh. I know it's a joke, but I'm very serious about Windsor's brand."

Eddie says Colbert's shot is another reminder we need to "tell our story." Okay, Eddie, I'm telling my story right here.

My name is Jordan Ferguson. Some of you know me as The Paper Trail, an alias created during my time as News Editor at The Lance. Born in Windsor, raised in Amherstburg, 30 minutes south, currently residing in Kingston.

And I am extremely frustrated that the mayor and media of the city I love cannot see that they have lightning in a bottle and are pissing it away.

You want to tell your story? You want to sell the brand? Come down of your f*cking high horses and try to do something with Colbert. Lord knows if it's branding you want help with, he's the man to go to.

Now Eddie, you may or may not be aware that Colbert has a vested interest in the OHL, being the namesake for the Saginaw Spirit's mascot. As such, Colbert has dedicated more airtime towards small Ontario towns than you could believe, and some of those towns are reaping the benefits.

Take Oshawa. A rivalry developed between the Oshawa Generals and the Spirit, culminating with a friendly wager between Colbert and the Oshawa mayor John Gray. The mayor lost, so now March 20 [Gray's birthday] has been declared Stephen Colbert Day in the city. And this all played out on the air, on one of the most watched shows on cable. And Oshawa looks like a million bucks: they look hip, they look sure of themselves, they look like they don't take themselves so goddamn seriously.

And this is the freaking 'Shwa!

If you missed it in the comments yesterday, the always awesome Chris Schnurr suggested offering Colbert naming rights for the Western Super Anchor site, which is genius.

What do you think, Windsor? How else can/should the city be capitalizing on this fleeting opportunity [which is probably already lost]?

Oh, and Windsor Star, with your "Colbert declined an interview...no doubt too busy dealing with the demands of highly paid celebrityhood," you can f*cking come off it, too. Maybe that was an attempt at satire, but it read extremely poorly, and frankly, I expect better of you, Pearson.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Road to Flotsam is Paved With Good Intentions

We were locked and loaded, Windsor. Your next election video, featuring the presidential hopefuls pitching their platforms, was uploaded and ready for posting, until I gave it a quick viewing and saw that the audio had gone wonky for two of the nominees' shpiels.

Obviously, I can't post that, so while I wait for that to get taken care of, you get yourself some flotsam.

Give me Impossible Mission! Commodore announces it's making a comeback, making topnotch gaming PCs.

News Editor Ryan Rogers will be happy to critcize factual inaccuracies from the movie '300' with you, but you should probably brush up on what they are first.

Stamford University brings you the Top 10 most important video games in history.

You know The Last Dragon is the best kung-fu movie ever made. Sho'Nuff! Now you can know the 12 best lines from the movie. With video goodness. Respect the Shogun of Harlem.

YouTube has jumped the shark: 'Heroes' spoof vid that scored 1.5 million hits was produced by NBC. We will be discussing this later.

Wired magazine catches up to 2005 by discovering Korean horror is the new Japanese horror. Now go out and rent all of Park Chan-wook's movies, will you?

The State of Windsor: Worst place on Earth

Let's talk about this for a moment, shall we? [Courtesy of Sam].

Wait for it...



Don't get me wrong, this is capital-f Funny. And Colbert taking shots at any town with an OHL team is not new, but this seemed to come out of left field for me, unless I missed something last week, but judging by the somewhat confused laughter from the studio audience, I'd say I didn't.

And the folks at city hall will play it down, thrilled to have been namedropped by the [admittedly] fabulous Stephen Colbert. But for most of the people watching that show, that was about all they needed to hear about a place called Windsor.

Good luck courting that tourism dollar now, kids.

What say you, Windsor? One more nail in Windsor's coffin, or good publicity?

Monday, March 12, 2007

The State of the World

Newsflash: Windsor Star recognized for....quality???!
Congrats to the graverobbers at the Windsor Star, whose series of articles on slain nurse Lori Dupont has earned them a nomination for a national newspaper award.

"This is what good newspapers do," said Star Editor Marty Beneteau. "The NNA's represent the pinnacle of Canadian journalism. They are our Pulitzers."

Well if you guys win, I hope you give it to Dupont's daughter.

Oh for the days when venereal disease was simple

Good news for Alberta: the oil sands are energizing your economy in a fashion no one has seen since the California gold rush.

Bad news for Alberta: an influx of residents means an influx in syphilis, from four to 204 cases provincewide since 1995.

Ambassador SpankMe gets pulled from office
Israel's ambassador to El Salvador, Tzuriel Refael, has been recalled from his poisiton after being found drunk and naked wearing nothing but bondage gear.

Reports say Refael could only identify himself after the cops removed a ball gag from his mouth.

I'd like to see something like this go down if Will Ma gets elected.

Briefly
Mistake one: threatening to impale George W. Bush if elected president. Mistake two: seeking legal counsel from radio call-in show.

Pass the butter chicken: Indian food found to be worse for you than the worst of North American junk food.

Comic book to battle statutory rape in Virginia: cool. Titled 'Gracias Papi': maaaaybe not so cool.

Why do so many people feel the need to fight the cops while naked? Just begging for a tasering.

The Straight Dope

Hey, UWSA candidates! As you gear up for that last ugly week of campaigning, remember who you're doing it all for!

Students who couldn't give a rat's ass.



Just trying to give you some perspective. It's what I do. ^_^

But even if the students don't care, we at The Lance do, so check back here throughout the week for more vids as we kick of our multimedia coverage of Decision '07: It Doesn't Even Matter!

Labels:

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Visual Aides

In an effort to keep you abreast of my progress during Gollum Watch '07, I've taken the liberty of making you an easy to read graphic so you can know how I'm doing at all times.

Windsor, I give you, The Gollumeter!


As you can see, the further I sink, the higher the meter will read. At present, we're A-OK, but I wouldn't be surprised if we were Abdullin' it by Thursday, y'all. w00t!

Regular schedule come Monday.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Preciousssss....

It's an exciting time right now, Windsor. You've heard ghostly whispers of it in the past two weeks, but in a scant 12 hours it begins in earnest.

Windsor, prepare yourself for....

But what is Gollum Watch 2007? Well, Windsor, the Queen's faculty of education encourages their teacher candidates to get out into the world and use what they know in an environment other than a classroom. So after getting these young educators to spend all the money to come to Kingston, the university tells them to spend a sh*tload of money going somewhere else. Awesome.

ANYWAY.

Lady Trail will be making her way back to the Rose City to do some children's plays, work with area libraries, that sort of thing. Our two friends in K-town will be going Guatemala and California, leaving me alone for 30 days in a town where no one knows me. That kind of isolationism is bound to have an effect after awhile, which brings us to the game in question.

When will I crack? When will I start crawling on all fours and fighting the cat for leftover wet food? Place your bets now!!!

The State of the World

Futile!
Hey, all you folks who protested the closure of the Capitol Theatre last night? Nice sentiment, and showing the human side will always catch a little ink in this town, but opening your wallets, preferably before it gets threatened with shutdown would probably go a lot farther than holding a pep rally.

Just a thought.

See, by predicting things, they encourage you not to vote in the first place. Yay Democracy!
Today's poll to predict trends for an election we're not officially having has the Tories gaining six percentage points over the Liberals nationally, gaining ground with women and urban voters, areas they have not performed strongly in traditionally.

The good news for the Liberals is their strong lead in Quebec [which is all that matters anyway *eye roll*], pretty much tied with the Bloc.

It depends what your definition of 'filanderer' is.
Sooo...Newt Gingrich, former Republican House Leader who acted as Bill Clinton's nemesis during that whole Lewinsky thing has admitted to having an extramrital affiar while going after Clinton. But he's not a hypocrite, so don't you call him that.

"The president...got introuble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge. I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept...perjury in your highest officials."

Briefly
Babymommas getting their own sorority at some universities.

Man loses 400 lbs. Still weighs 840. Hometown forklifts him onto truck and parades him through street to celebrate.

If you need to get gas out of your tank, don't use a vacuum cleaner.

Take the heartache and legal wrangling out of divorce. All you need to settle your accounts is a chainsaw and a truck.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Bonus Post

The beauty about days off are not only that I get to catch up on all the things that horrify me, but you get to share my horror.

Today's exhibit:



Normally I would never, under any circumstances post an Avril Lavigne video, but my nausea is so strong I refuse to suffer alone.

To be succinct: This video makes me want to kill myself.

That's not a euphemism.

I don't want to live in a world where this sort of thing exists, and gets snapped up by drooling disciples whose memories are too short to realize this video is everything she posited herself as the antithesis of in 2002. It has a dance number, for chrissakes.

And this is not subversive, so don't hand me that. If it was subversive, she'd put on pants and stop whoring herself. So why don't we just cut out the cheezy 'stick it to the preps' narrative and go all the way, baby? Cause there's already a brigade of 17-year-olds jerking off on your virtual fishnets as I write this. May as well give 'em their money's worth.

What say you, Windsor? Have you had enough of the pride of Napanee, or am I just spouting the deranged ramblings of a jaded old man?

The State of the World

Well hell, since I'm enduring 'new release slowdown' over on the Kidrobot site, why not?

Well give me braids and call me Leroy
Exciting times over at St. Clair today as the list of programmes heading downtown to the Cleary next fall was revealed.

About 500 students from advertising, journalism [my alma mater], graphic design and other arts-based programmes will make the move in fall '07, with other arts programmes making the move the following year.

If only I had wasted a couple more years before opting for self betterment, I could have gone to school at the Cleary! I wonder if this means The Loop will open at noon to catch the liquid lunch crowd?

This is why you don't shop for real estate in High Times magazine
If you're buying a home, dammit, you have a right to know if the house you're checking out has ever been used as a grow-op, and the Ontario government is currently investigating ways to ensure you'll know excatly that, including compiling a registry of residences used in cannabis cultivation practices.

Though is you walk in and find racks of fluorescent lights and oscillating fans, that's a probably a red light.

Red poppy fields forever
In what some are calling an annual reminder of the ongoing failure that is military operations in Afghanistan, opium farmers had another banner year. In fact, opium production is the only segment of the economy that's improving, with a 25 per cent increase.

This despite continued efforts of the U.S., British and Afghan governments to wipe out the country's opium economy, which some have said is alienating the country's population and driving them back to the Taliban.

Briefly
Wearing a bag over your head to a court appearance might keep people from identifying you, but it doesn't exactly scream 'innocent!'

When you like your cat, you give it treats. When you love your cat, you get it a pacemaker.

Sometimes this blog encourages certain individuals to 'step their game up,' which may be a confusing sentiment. This is a prime example: Anybody can scrawl 'WASH ME' on a dirty car. Not everyone can do this. That's stepping your game up.

As a journalist, it can be hard to get a potential source to trust you. The New York Times has found that gobs of cash usually helps in that regard.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Nudity and Nepotism

Quick and to the point tonight, Windsor. As of Saturday, I sleep alone for 30 or so days, so I'd like to maximize the three nights I have left.

One of my few and proud intrepid spies forwarded me the link to an upcoming promotion being put on by the UofW next week.

Dig this: On March 14, starting at noon, the first 100 people who show up to the Student Centre InfoDesk get a 24-shot disposable camera to run amok for a day and take pictures of what they do that day. The cameras have to be handed back in within 24 hours and the photos will be judged on quality and composition. First prize nets a cool 850 bucks, second is one of those monster 80GB iPods, third place gets a measly $150 at the bookstore.

Worth noting: nothing in the official rules states that pictures of your own genitals are grounds for disqualification. Which is interesting, since the PAC office is basically inviting such displays by the very nature of the contest.

And why are we having this contest [titled UWindsor24, cause dammit, you kids love words pefixed with vowels and ending with numbers. Futusistic!] Well, because having you all take pictures they can use in their new rebranding campaign, even with over $1,000 in cash and prizes, is still cheaper than hiring a professional photographer, bwaha.

But I'm too much of an optimist to completely dismiss such an endeavour, Windsor, so I say go for it, but with one caveat: how about some new blood.

See, in my time at this fine institution, I've noticed a growing level of cronyism, or rather, the same people showing up in photos on DailyNews. They just kind of rotate positions every year, from Board to Council, to staff. The same names pop up every year all the time; election losers from one year become paid coordinators the next, and so on and so forth.

So how about some new blood, here? I'll even make you a deal: for every three nice pictures you take, you can take a picture of something inappropriate. Just remember, they took your name before giving you the camera....you might want to limit it to ass.

The State of the World

$35,000 buys a lot of club sandiwches
So get this: last year Windsor city councilors and administrators ate $35,000 in takeout food. And guess who paid for it? You did!

No 18-foot party sub for your city council, no no no noooo, they get the more glamorous fare, catered and deliviered from places like Koolini's, Spage, and Tunnel Bar-B-Q, for free. And I've been living on tuna all this week. I'm in the wrong frigging business, Windsor.

Oooh, that ain't good.
Just in time for an inspection by International Olympic Committee officials, a giant Olympic flag flying outside of Vancouver's city hall was stolen Tuesday morning.

This sort of thing isn't new in Van lately, as a number of public events centered on the games have been disrupted by protestors.

The flag is valued at $1,600. Wait, what?!

Calling for Bush's impeachment is the new black
St. Louis is totally doing it. So is Vermont.

If only he wasn't going to be out of office in a couple years anyway. And how long do you think impeachment trials would take? Direct your energy to something productive, lefty.

Briefly
If there's one thing this obesity-plagued continent needed, it was for McDonald's to release a bigger hamburger.

Western feminism ignores the current crises facing women, and therefore fails, says critic.

Who wants a good read about the scrotum? Hmm? Anybody?

And what would Wednesday be without a story on a freak pig? Nothing, that's what!