Thursday, November 30, 2006

The State of the World

Graffiti taggers forced to cover work
A duo of teenaged taggers in Lakeshore have been sentenced to clean up not only their work, but those of others throughout the community.

Now granted there are better places to practice your craft than operating businesses and the local high school, but if these two are actually pursuing this and aren't just a couple of jerkoffs, then this story pains me a little.

You should totally go
A quick reminder the Santa Claus Parade is this Saturday at 6.00 p.m. running all the way down Ouelette from Tecumseh to Riverside.

A couple of weeks ago during my lonely weekend when Lady Trail was gone, a friend of ours and I went downtown for sushi. It just so happened to have been on the night of Kingston's Santa Claus Parade. It was madness, it was crowded, the traffic was murder....but it was fun. The streets were filled with people and most were still sort of happy. There are worse ways to kick off your Saturday night.

More work than it's worth, but cool nonetheless
Good ep of Rocketboom today, featuring an interview with Philip Torone from Make magazine discussing a number of open source Christmas presents you can make yourself for the people you love. My favourite was the rotary cell phone.

Local boy makes cameo on national stage
This will only work today, but it's kind of cool to see former Agriculture Minister and Amherstburg local Eugene Whelan talking with Liberal Leadership candidate Gerard Kennedy at this week's convention as the feature photo of today's online edition of the Globe.

And yes, he's wearing the hat on purpose. He always wears the hat. Politics could use that kind of sass again.

We're through the looking glass, people
Just when you thought American conservative pundits would deflate a little in the wake of the spanking the Republicans got in the midterm elections, Keith Ellison, the newly elected Muslim [AAAH!] Congressman from Minnesota, wants to be sworn in with his hand on the Koran instead of the Bible.

Clearly, this is a portent of hell on earth. Down is up, acid rain, dogs making love to cats, all of that. Someone please think of the children.

In other news, how does Glenn Beck still have a TV show?

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Word on the Street: 4th Edition

In case you haven't noticed it [and how could you not?] registering for courses via SIS can be a little...exasperating, and has lead to some outspoken criticism on the topic in recent issues of The Lance. But what do the rest of you think?

Does anyone actually remember when you had to register for courses on the phone? Punching in course codes on your keypad? No one? Oh God, I'm elderly.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Now and Then, Here and There

Got a sucky cat in need of cuddles, Windsor, so we'll try to do this as succinctly as possible.

Don't confuse the above building with Ontario Hall, pictured earlier this week. Pictured above is the home of Queen's campus radio, CFRC. Sure beats the basement of the CAW.

The Torontoist gives us their cover song catalogue, a collection of familiar and unheard of covers guaranteed to shave an hour off your day. Must find Nina Gordon's version of 'Straight Outta Compton.'

TVLand has compiled the 100 Greatest TV Quotes and Catchphrases of All Time. So how did 'D'Oh!' stack up against 'Oh my God, they killed Kenny!'? Well, we won't know that til the shows air, but the full list can be found in the link.

Miss Mitch Hedberg as much as I do? Get a random dose of his wisdom with a click of your mouse. Favourite of the minute: "This shirt is dry clean only. Which means it's dirty."

The fact that Windsor has been recognized as one of the worst flushers of raw sewage into the Great Lakes basin makes me die inside a little, yet miss home at the same time.

Finally, and this is a long time coming, Windsor, I feel the need to confess the level of joy the Telus monkeys bring me. Everytime one of their commercials come on, I squeal and clap like a six-year-old, much to Lady Trail's amusement.

I mean, LOOK AT IT! FOR GOD'S SAKE! Got a present for me, litle buddy? How thoughtful! Oh look, it's a pile of your own feces! I know you meant well, now climb on me and groom me. Pick the bugs out of my hair, little man, it's all good.

This is obviously the point where my brain is starting to shut down in fear of the shift I have to work tomorrow. But I'm off Thursday, so at least I can stay up late. Sweet dreams of present-wielding monkeys, Windsor.

Monday, November 27, 2006

The State of the World

Nothing like an eBay/Paypal headache to start your Monday Morning. God bless the information age where you need government levels of ID backup to buy a 40 dollar lump of vinyl from a dude in Santa Monica. Sigh.

Flu shots available on campus today
Until 8.00 p.m. in the Ambassador Auditorium. That is all.

Saw that one coming
This just in: Microsoft's answer to the iPod a miserable failure. Carry on.

Better hope the winds die down
Because if there's one thing our troops in Afghanistan need, it's harmonicas.

Two for two
Man gets robbed. Man then goes to jail when outraged robber turns him in for child porn possession.

Next stop: iPod utero
Given today's ever quickening world, kids today are encountering things at age 10 that you encountered at age 15. Let that one lull you sleep tonight.

Working 1-9. Do I make a salad or just pack up some leftover pizza? How do you think this one is going to go, Windsor? So much for eating better.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Take that, Dillon!

All this week we'll be bringing you photos from my stroll through the Queen's University campus this weekend. Pictured above is Ontario Hall, a beautiful old building with a pointed roof and ivy growing on it. Here, it's just another building. In Windsor, it gets plastered on every piece of promotional material produced. Yowch.

A beautiful weekend up here and from what I hear, yours was just as nice, Windsor. I tried to pick up a parka at the Gap on Saturday, but they were out of my size. Yes, the Gap does occasionally carry clothing that fits my fat ass, just not on Saturday. Tried on another coat in the vain hope it would fit, but was a smidge too small. Felt fat and ugly. Lady Trail tried to cheer me up by asking if there might be any of the original parka I wanted in the back, which sent some beanpole kid to go look for the XXL. Did not make me feel better.

You know the kicker? carries sizes for people bigger than me, but they don't ship to Canada, and the Canadian website doesn't have an online store. How much sense does this make? Oh right, none. So I freeze this winter.

It's funny, after my 'miss Windsor/love Kingston' post I gave some more thought to this city, now that I am officially living and working here. The best way to describe it is that Kingstonians are a little more country, and Windsorites are a little more rock and roll. We're like baby Americans, which you think they would be up here too, since they're on the border with upstate NY, but I suppose Detroit is a different animal from upstate NY. We're a soulful people, Windsor, brought up in the steel and sparks of the auto industry. Here...they farm. Which is a noble industry as well, but it doesn't make for a very sassy populace, and if there's one thing you think of when you think of The Trail, it's sass.

At any rate, it'll be nice to get home for a couple of weeks next month, to enjoy the familiar sights and sounds of Windsor/Amherstburg, to check in on all the hearts I broke when I left, to feel a little more like myself. It's almost like I need to visit, to leave it behind a little more. Hurm.

It still hits me how dramatically my life changed in such a short period of time. I know I shouldn't be so self-involved, Windsor, because it's really not that big a deal. Many of you folks do it every year, crossing the province or country to a place where no one knows you. Doing it at the age you do, you're much braver souls than the Trail. But it's still a little mind blowing to me as I wait for the traffic to die down so I can jaywalk across John A. on my way to work, that I ended up here, and that it was so much easier than I ever thought it would be.

Working the afternoon/evening shift tomorrow, kids, so you get a real honest-to-God news update in the morning. Hope your weekend was as relaxing as mine was. Ja.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Moltar goes to prison

Six things I miss about Windsor:

1. The radio. Oh, the radio. Late nights with Liz Copeland on WDET. The Old School Jam on Sunday evenings on WJLB. Starting the day with the Morning X. The reformat of 93.9 right before I moved. You know what I have here, Windsor? Upstate NY's version of 95.5, some French stations and a frequency that broadcasts the local CTV affiliate, for some reason. Some of the best radio in the country down there.

2. Devonshire at Christmas. Yeah, cliche, but you don't know how awesome that mall is until you can't go to it anymore. Because it really is the one-stop establishment. Here, if you want to go to Sears or the Bay or Zellers, you have to go out to the Cat[araqui] Centre. Old Navy's a 5 minute drive at the Rio-Can, and the Gap's way the hell back downtown. In Windsor, all those stores are down the hall from each other. Convenience!

3. The Loop. We have tried, Windsor, Lord have we tried to find a drinking establishment that comes close to the party that is The Loop. Hell, I can't even find a place that serves Bellevue. Oh, my sweet Bellevue. Everything here is a pub, which is awesome if that's your thing, but you know the Trail needs to dance, Windsor. And the last time I went to a dance bar in this town strangers were using me as a prop to climb onto the stage/table I was sitting at.

4. Border City Comics. Not so much the comics themselves, because I went cold turkey on them when I moved up here, and surprisingly haven't missed them much. No, I miss the store, especially when my best friend and I went and Tim was working. It probably takes 20 minutes to shop for comics, but when Tim worked, we'd be there for over an hour, talking the sort of shop talk that makes comic shops awesome in the first place.

5. The Velvet Restaurant. I came late to the Velvet, going there the first time with Lady Trail some time in March or April. Bacon, sausage, ham, two eggs, french toast and hash browns for like, seven bucks, and it comes to your table in about five minutes.

6. The sexiness. Windsor is a much sexier city than Kingston. And by that I mean, the people on the whole are better looking. Chalk it up to the number of strippers working in the city, perhaps.

Six things I love about Kingston:

1. Downtown. The nooks and crannies, the cobblestone streets, the cool little shops, the historic look to everything. There's a lot that Kingston does that Essex County wants to do, but can't seem to get together.

2. Ben and Jerry's retail outlets. Who knew such a wonderful thing existed? And guess what? They'll pack you a pint of any flavor they have, so you can take it home for later! Unbelievable.

3. My apartment. Honestly. It might not be in the most glamorous part of town [think Wyandotte West] but the apartment is awesome, and we've made it awesome. I've seen some other places she considered choosing, and uh..not good, Windsor. It's not the most spacious thing, but it's not like...Tokyo-small. It's perfect for us, and it's ours. Besides, I have a case of Dunnies [sorry, two more arrived yesterday, so the love is strong].

4. Coffee and Company. It's a little hoity toity, but the loungers are damn comfy and the hot apple cider is possibly the best I've ever tasted, not that I've tasted a whole lot in my life, but still.

5. The homeless people. I saw two panhandlers yesterday. One had better headphones than I did, the other a better jacket. They got nothing from me.

6. Transit. There might be forty-seven #1 buses, you may go the wrong direction roughly 39% of the time, but it's cheaper than Windsor Transit and when they're late, some of those KT drivers will do 60 though a densely packed residential neighbourhood. Public endangerment vs. speedy commute? Speed wins everytime.

I'll holler at you over the weekend, Windsor. The Lady and I are going out to play tomorrow, since it's a rare day when we can both afford to shirk our responsibilities and run amok. I'll be sure to take pictures.

PS: If you're looking for a PS3, Jesus is the answer. Hey, it's worth a shot, right?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

This might interest you

EDIT: Turns out OPUS is currently holding a referendum to decide whether or not to join CFS, so all you part timers might want to pay special attention, and make use of the opportunity your full time colleagues no longer have.

Stories about student politicians and questionable distribution of student funds have been a staple around campus for as long as The Trail's been there. None were ever fully substantiated, but the odd rumour of some society president buying an aquarium with his organization's budget floated through at least once a year.

Lance News Editor Ryan Rogers sent this to me today about a hooha going down in BC right now, and it's certainly worth a look.

Rogers sent me the link in connection with a petition going around online [for whatever that's worth] created by students and proposing to audit the hell out of the Canadian Federation of Students and make the results available to members, ie: you [view/sign it here].

Now, suffice to say some of the people involved in this are a little litigation happy, so The Trail's choosing his words carefully. Watch the vid and draw your own conclusions. Here's some other fun facts to chew on while you draw them.

The University of Windsor is one of the member schools of the CFS. Part of your money goes to that organization every year, to help them finance their lobbying and public awareness campaigns on student issues, typically the cost of tuition. They also have the rep of being the more militant and radical of the student unions; the Ontario Undergraduate Students Alliance, which you are also a member of, is considered more moderate. Case in point, when it became obvious that the provincial tuition freeze was going to end, OUSA's approach was to lobby for a cap on how high tuition could be raised; CFS's approach was to extend the freeze. And your chequebook knows how that fight went.

Windsor's membership in the CFS has been a contentious point within the hallowed halls of the UWSA for some time, and talk of withdrawing from it has surfaced a few times within the past couple of years. Is that a good idea? You tell me, Windsor, it's not my money anymore. And for the record, any dealings I ever had with CFS representatives were very pleasant. Former Ontario Chairperson Jesse Greener was always a dear to me, though he could stand to eat a cheeseburger.

So make the call for yourselves, Windsor. See the allegations, do your research, make your own decision.

And let me know, whatever you decide.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Gonna Die in My Sleep Tonight

The above monstrosity is called the 1/2 lb bacon jalapeno double melt. It is a thing of beauty, is it not? This is the difference between men and women. The fairer sex is likely repelled by that, while most boys want to ask me how it tasted.

The answer is, 'delicious.' Though I recommend the version without the jalapenos and with extra bacon instead. I found that many peppers too hot.

Speaking of hot [what a segue!]

The Ontario special investigations unit has come in to look into the case of a Windsor man who set himself on fire in a parking lot near Ottawa and Parent last night. Is it just me or is it getting weirder and weirder down there lately? What have you been getting into lately, Windsor?

Lance Editor-in-Chief D'Arcy Bresson's roommate bought a Wii this weekend. Given that his roommate's a pretty busy guy, D'Arcy will have more than enough opportunity to play it. So take a minute to think of D'Arcy flailing around in his apartment by himself, trying to smack a tennis ball back to Mario and Luigi or some other such thing. Penny Arcade sums it up rather well.

When is global warming going to kill us all? Ten years, babies. Get busy living.

The Crocodile Hunter's daughter has been getting over daddy's death too easily, apparently. Headshrinkers brought in to make her sad again.

And alas Windsor, that's all you get. I got a stressed out woman and one internet connection, so she makes the rules. Roll your eyes all you want, I gotta live with her, and since she puts two beef patties smothered with cheese and jalapenos in my belly, she's allowed.

Til tomorrow.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Welcome to the Working Week

For as much fancy-free fun this looks like, blogging is a hard business, Windsor. It's all fun and games until I find myself utterly devoid of things to discuss, but I'm a trooper, so I'll do my best.

The largest news of the week has been the release of the next-gen gaming consoles, with the violent struggles for PS3s in stark contrast to the Wii's blissfully peaceful debut. Thankfully, I'm still content with my old wheezy faithful PS2.

Much to my joy, the Christmas music has started full time at work. The thing about retail holiday music is that it has to be nondenominational, right? Can't offend the shoppers, right? Nice enough sentiment, but the fact remains that there's only about 10 nondenominational Christmas Carols in existence, so I get to hear a carousel of renditions for eight hours a day. And by the sixth go around of 'Silver Bells,' one's brain tends to check out.

My one major criticism, though? The practice of playing the melody to 'Jingle Bells' at the end of the song, first utilized in Nat King Cole's 'The Christmas Song,' is hereby retired. That shit's gotta stop.

In a rare victory for common sense and decency, a number of Fox affiliates have chosen to pass on the ficticious explanation of how OJ Simpson would have murdered his ex-wife. If he'd done it, obviously.

Mr. Harper's meeting with Chinese President Hu Jintao: groundbreaking move onto the world stage, or utter disaster? You make the call.

The Christmas music does serve to remind me that I'll have to put some thought into what I might want this year. Now that I'm out in my own place, I discover things on a daily basis that I didn't know I would want in my own house. Top leader this week: hair trimmer. My sideburns are uuuun-ruly.

And now you'll have to excuse me, Batista's got a score to settle with Boobap, and Randy Orton's gunning for his title at Wrestlemania. The work of a champion never stops, Windsor.

Sunday, November 19, 2006


Today we bring you a sitdown with comedians Trevor Boris and Nikki Payne, who you probably know best from their work on Muchmusic's Video on Trial [a favourite in the Trail household, new episode should be on tonight, if they're not showing a frigging marathon of So You Think You Can Dance?]

Trevor and Nikki took some time to sit down with us and discuss their work, and each other, providing us with this blog's first NOT SAFE FOR WORK! OR CLASS! OR LAB!

Seriously, there's some cusses in there.

I think for the benefit of all, I'll be leaving this one at the top of the page til tomorrow night, since it's a really fun video [props to the Rockshow]. But I'll mention this as a parting shot.

Normally, the hitmap for this blog is pretty concentrated to the 401 area of Canada, from Toronto down to Michigan. A few other hits will pop up on the west coast or even overseas, but that's about it.

This is what the hit map looks like when you mention Britney and K-Fed's sex tape:

Sad. Yet not unexpected. Enjoy the vid, and your day of rest, Windsor. I have to go pick up a Lady at the airport, so I'll holler at you tomorrow night.


Saturday, November 18, 2006

The Swinging Bachelor

Boobap Shabazz celebrates a hard fought win over Triple H, to retain the WWE Title. So to answer your question, Smackdown won the great video game battle over Guitar Hero II. Not because I decided not to buy GH2, but because there isn't a copy of that game to be found in the city of Kingston. Seriously. I called everywhere.

As you can see, it's been an eventful weekend. As you can see by the roll of paper towels in the background, it's been a bachelor weekend. She'll love that when she sees it.

I'm more than a little surprised at how miserable I am without the Lady here. I guess it just makes me realize that even though I've always been a bit of a loner, I was always a loner in the midst of other people. So to be completely alone in this apartment, in this city, is more than a little freaky. But it's only til tomorrow, so I'll manage. There's still plenty of career mode in Smackdown vs. Raw to get to.

I'm more than a little upset at the amount of artists I enjoy who have put out new material that I was apparently completely unaware of. Basement Jaxx and Damien Rice are the two that first come to mind [seriously, when did Damien's version of Nina Simone's 'Don't Explain' come out?!], but there have been others here and there. Honestly, I used to be really good about that sort of thing, now I'm always two months behind the curve. I blame the lack of VH1 in my life.

So what else is new out there?

Hmm...apparently the Britney/FedEx sex tape will soon become a reality. But what will this mean for K-Fed's New Year's Day matchup with WWE Champ John Cena?

Slate tells of the new sinister [and ingenius] advent of the 'sample troll.' These would be folks who scooped up the licensing rights to catalogs of music, and then get all the money when these songs are sampled for other works. The most noted of these is Bridgeport Music Inc., a one-man operation with no other employees who managed to score the rights to George Clinton's work in the 70's. When hip-hop came along, the money never stopped. Good read.

The 10 greatest punches ever thrown in film history. I find it hard to dispute #1. PS: The page is wacky, if you want 10-6, you have to click the link under the logo, then go back for 5-1. This is poor web architecture.

More later. Boobap got his title stolen by Chris Masters last night [stop laughing, it's the game, I had no choice], and he's damn sure gonna get it back.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The State of the World: Hurried Edition

One day off and lots to do, so let's get to it, Windsor.

The Saga Continues
Don't forget the quest for a new Pub safety policy continues this afternoon with an emergency meeting at 4.00 p.m. in Council Chambers. Go and watch the democratic process, but behave yourselves.

Whale slaughter unavoidable, merciful
Eighty Beluga whales trapped in a frozen lake near Tuktoyaktuk, sharing one shrinking hole to surface air will be systematically killed, one by on, as reps from the Department of Fisheries and Oceans look on.

The whales got trapped in the lake a few months ago, and as winter set in they found themselves surrounded by ice on all sides. Now with a diminishing food supply and conditions too harsh for any human operation to try to save them, the hunt has been ruled the only way.

Next on Canada's list of achievements
From suburban Toronto: the largest collection of used athletic socks! Now stop giving me weird looks for the bunnies.

The last reason why all those kids in St. Clair's advertising program are the frigging devil
What could possibly be the final frontier of advertising? Space, obviously. And the first corporation to take advantage of this pristine, untapped market? Kentucky Fried Chicken?!

Quick hits today, Windsor. Daddy's got a lot on his plate, but you know he'll make it up to you tonight. Blame Lady Trail, she let me sleep in too late this morning, a point she contests but is in fact, accurate.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Aches and Pains, Triptych

Well, Emmitt won Dancing With the Stars and Marty got the boot on The Biggest Loser. TV giveth, and she taketh away, Windsor.

Guess who's looking at an entire weekend off from work? Ooooh, I am!

But Trail, didn't you have all your weekends off for the last two months?

That's beside the point. The Trail don't work on weekends. Shomer f*cking Shabbos, and all that. It will be nice, but lonely without the Lady. But tomorrow's shopping excursion will ensure the time goes by fairly painlessly, provided I manage to curb my spendthrift tendencies. We'll see how that goes. So what's new with all you?

Scanning the headlines, not much of anything, apparently. Well, the student bank robber from earlier this year got his sentence handed down: three years. Turns out he was robbing the banks to visit his ailing mother in Bangladesh. He better hope she sticks around for at least four more years.


The world trembles for the release of the Nintendo Wii and Playstation 3. And then there's me, wondering if I should pick up that collection of old Genesis games. They were simpler times, Windsor, and the world has passed me by.

Concluding the saga of former Rocketboom host [and bane of Trail existence] Amanda Congdon, word has it she's signed to work with ABC News. Positively mainstream, babies. What of your fiery rhetoric on the antiquity of old media in the face of the online revolution, Congdon? Some principles. Done with you, buhbyes.

D'Arcy used to give me crap for thinking Nickelback sucks, and believe me that's a controversial stance in my new location. But it turns out I'm right: Nickelback does suck. At the very least, they're very repetitive.

So look, I'm going to make a deal with you, Windsor. This whole working weekdays thing has been getting a little stressful on all of us, and while I'm trying my best to provide for you in the evenings, we know it's not the same. So I am hereby vowing to post on the weekends as well, in order to keep things moving along. Counters show hardly anyone stops by here on the weekend anyway, but that just means I should be seizing that opportunity.

So that's where it is: at least one per workday and at least two per day off. I do it for you, Windsor.

God, I just mentioned Congdon and Nickelback in the same post. Time for bed.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Aches and Pains, The Sequel

Three down, one to go. This working for a living bullsh*t is the pits, Windsor.

Regarding the pic, I know most of you who knew me personally were enamoured of my bunny collection, and while things have been kind of slow lately, what with the tight funds and supporting myself and whatnot, things are a little easier with the job that cripples me nightly. So I like to keep my babies up to date on what Daddy has been or will be acquiring. The above is by LA artist Thomas Han, and is beautiful. We'll see if I can find a way to get at the Paul Smith edition coming at the end of the month. w00t, as they say.

Now that the dress code kerfuffle is over and done with, the search is now on for a replacement safety policy [cause that's what this was all really about, remember? Safety!]. Preferably a policy that doesn' know, target black people.

That search continues this Thursday at council [4.00 p.m. in council chambers]. Meetings are always open to all, but you have to behave yourselves. There's a procedure.

Of course, you can always brush up on your Robert's Rules of Order and make the kids look bad, but that's not a plan of action The Trail officially condones.

And regarding the whole, "Impeach Tweener" petition that's been making the rounds lately, it's time to let it go, Windsor. As much fun as crushing someone's political ambitions can be [remember last year?] this is going a little above and beyond. Justin may be a little eccentric, a little left o' centre, maybe even a little clueless sometimes, but he has always had the interests of his fellow students at heart. I've had the opportunity to chat with the man in a social setting now and then, and there isnt a malicious bone in his body. So maybe you all could put your little vendettas aside and let the boy try and regroup, maybe gain enough control on this year so that his entire presidency isn't tarnished by this.


You may not have noticed [and I wouldn't have either, if I didn't get email notifications for this sort of thing, but this blog just got its first anonymous comment. Of course, it made its debut on the infamous commentary on Peter Rigo and the DCC in Hamilton [which is here, if you missed it]. Honestly, that one story has lead to more traffic on this site than anything else. And while the comment was left by someone in Hamilton [we can check these things, too] that's about alls I know. Could it have been the man himself, or someone from his organization? Are they even allowed internet access? Oh, Windsor, it's too much for a merry muckraker like myself to take. For now, I resign myself to dreams.

Which is where I'm off to now, my loves. Because Wayne Hurst won re-election in Amherstburg last night, making him pretty well the only mayor I've ever known in my entire adult life. For god's sake, Amherstburg, who was his opponent, a bucket of corn? What could have been worse?

This is what puts me to bed at 10.30 at night. I blame you all. Til tomorrow.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Aches and Pains, Monday Style

Well, the muicipal election is all over but the shouting, and by the looks of things, not many of you cared enough to bother with it. This morning the Star was fearing low voter turnout, stemming from the lack of spark in this year's election. Unless something goes horribly awry, we can probably look forward to four more years of Edward the Great, Rose City. Which will make some of The Trail's female friends very happy. They have a crush on Eddie, don't ask me why.

Though not all women. Says Lady Trail, "Eddie Francis is ayuwuh." Which I don't think is a good thing, but would have made a hell of a lawn sign.

EDIT: The Star is now reporting Eddie's won in a landslide, and longtine counselor David Cassivi appears to have been ousted.

So The Trail has a dilemma, Windsor. Lady Trail is heading back to my beloved Windsor this weekend, but I'm stuck here for a few reasons, first and foremost simply because I don't want to crash on the 'rents' couch two months after I left, only to be back there for two weeks next month.

At any rate, according to the current CTC schedule, I will be off this Saturday. That's right, the whole day to myself, to sleep til noon in a bed to myself, and frankly, I'll need something to pass the time. Lady Trail would prefer I spend my afternoon cleaning, but I'm afraid that just ain't gonna happen. So help me out, Windsor: How am I going to spend my Saturday?

Smackdown vs Raw 2007
or Guitar Hero II?

SvR has the early lead, since those who know me seem to think it will have more lasting appeal, where the fear is Guitar Hero will ultimately become a 90 dollar dust magnet, because it's a game best played with friends and well, The Trail doesn't have any. Bwaha!

And I do love to create my wrestler and make my way through career mode. He's been around since the first Smackdown game on the PS1. His name is Boobap Shabazz, and he's unstoppable. Anyway, flotsam.

Doogie Howser, gay and proud.

Simpsons movie, full trailer.

White people, hidden victims of racism.

60 Minutes welcomes new staff.

Ed Bradley, always the man.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The State of the World

Pub dress code revoked
The story so nice we gotta mention it twice.

End of paper? No time soon
Statscan released a study today that sheds some light on how close we've come to the so-called 'paperless society' that was touted by the advent of the personal computer.

In fact, quite the opposite has occurred, with paper consumption doubling between 1983 and 2003. Despite this, the study shows the ways in which we communicate have changed dramatically, and how we spend our money on computer equipment has continued to rise, even as prices have dropped.

Remembrance day being forgotten
A new poll suggests many Canadians have begun to tune out the significance of Remembrance Day, as well as Canada's military history.

Rudyard Griffiths, the director of the institute that conducted the poll, said, "This is a dangerous moment [for Remembrance Day], as we move from a society that still has living links to the experience of war to generations who no longer have that direct, living link."

The science of cats
As this is the sort of thing I am now interested in, as I continue to try and decipher my own cat, I give you the science of how cats land on their feet. Turns out cats falling from lower floors sustain worse injuries than those falling from higher floors. When medical attention has been quickly administered, cats have survived falls from 32 floors up. That's ridiculous.

Geezers need excitement, get arses pounded
67-year-old George Bayliss found himself attacked by a gang oustide his home in England this week. The gang was apparently unaware that Mr. Bayliss is a former unarmed combat trainer in the English army, as well as a former boxing champion.

Bad for them.

Oceans on acid
Nothing like a little environamental apocalypse to start your weekend off right. This time it appears the oceans are turning acidic.

If it ain't one thing it's another.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Shut up!

I'm don't know if I'm ahead or behind the curve on this one Windsor, but according to a brief on the Star's website, the Pub dress code has been revoked.

Not only that, a formal apology will be drafted and distributed, no doubt in the pages of the paper you love to hate.

Do not think that The Trail is gloating, Windsor, because he's not. This is not about him, or The Lance. This is about the students who were hurt and offended, and were then made to feel crazy and irrational for it by their student council.

Said outspoken dress code critic Jihan Jones, "I think it's ridiculous that we basically had to force them to make an apology." Indeed.

This whole thing was sucky from the beginning for everyone involved. An unnecessary ordeal for those offended, and an unneeded foible for this year's first-time UWSA exec. Codling is maintaining the dress code wasn't racist, but WASPy guys in their mid-to-late 20's don't get to decide what's racist, I'm afraid. The people who feel they're being discriminated against get to do that, and they did.

Some will say it's a victory for racial sensitivity, some another example of rampant liberalism creating a tempest in a teacup, and they might both be right, in their way, I don't know. What I do know is that the dress code caused a lot of pain for a lot of people, it makes no difference who does or doesn't think they were justified. It's gonna take a lot of damage control on the part of the exec to repair council's image in the eyes of a lot of people.

I hope they're up to the task.

The State of the World

Liberals speculating on U.S. election's impact on Canada
Various Liberal MPs are speculating this week on what a shift to the left in this week's U.S. elections means for Canadian politics.

Said Liberal leadership hopeful Ken Dryden, "There's a tone south of the border that people don't like. They don't like feeling divided, and they don't like a government that divides...That's the tone of this government. Mr. Harper from the beginning has been a divider."

For their part, the Tories are saying Canada's amicable relations with the States will continue, and that the shift there will have little impact on things like Canada's mission in Afghanistan. Speaking of which...

Canadian troops break Taliban uprising
Canadian officials are claiming victory in the Taliban uprising that broke out in southern Afghanistan last September.

Defense Minister Gordon O'Connor told Parliament on Tuesday, "We have already broken the back of the the sense that [the Taliban] are not prone to attacking us directly. They are going to have to revert to suicide bombings and IED's"

I'm sure the troops find that very comforting.

Newsflash: Windows is poopy
Continuing our infrequent looks at the hell on earth that is Windows Vista, Daily Techno-babble brings you the top 4 reasons why the new OS is not worth your time.

And no, it's not a Down with PC, Viva Mac! article. Turns out if you're a Windows user, XP will continue to suit your needs fine.

Insert scientist screaming, "I told you this would happen!"
A Japanese robot designed to identify foods and wines he has been fed in his mechanical mouth, identified a reporter's hand as bacon. When the accompanying photographer stuck his hand in the robot's mouth, it guessed prosciutto.

There it is: we taste like pork, and the rise of the machines will shortly be upon us. I'm off to build a panic room in my apartment.

My feet feel like burning

Hello again to the mid-week spike. Sorry I missed you today.

Okay, I expected the Dems to take Congress. I suspected they might take the Senate. I never, in a million years, expected to come home from work and discover Rumsfeld had resigned. It's a topsy-turvy time in a world gone mad, Windsor.

And I'm really sick of water.

In other news:

--Congrats to former UofW writer-in-residence Nino Ricci, who won the inaugural MacLeod Award for Literary Achievement at last weekend's BookfestWindsor. You no doubt know the MacLeod Award is so named for former Windsor professor Alistair MacLeod, he of the creative writing and early romantics courses, prone to fearful coughing fits that would leave even the most coldhearted student worried for his health. Come on English majors, you remember how he would lose it in the middle of some lecture on Gormenghast or something, and the lecture would grind to a halt for six minutes. It was upsetting! Yet he was one of a handful of profs I actually remember from my time there, and I for one believe he deserves all the acclaim he's received. So does Ricci, for that matter.

--Apparently the LeBel Gallery got a facelift? Who knew? At any rate, check out the new digs tomorrow at 7.00 p.m. for the closing reception of The Self-Portrait Show, an exhibition of student works.

--Something I neglected to mention the other day: the timing of the Star's recent series on the murder of nurse Lori Dupont is not unintentional. This Sunday is the one year anniversary of her death, and there will be a silent vigil on the front entrance of Hotel-Dieu Hospital from 8.45 to 9.30 p.m. to honour her memory, and to remember all victims of domestic violence. There is no better way you could spend your Sunday.

--Also, don't forget the Windsor International Film Festival opens tomorrow night with an opening screening of Snowcake at the Capitol Theatre, followed by a reception at The Room. $90 gets you in and lets you feel part of what Windsor considers an elite.

And now it's late, Windsor. And I'm staring down the barrel of three days off, so look forward to a return to what you're used to for the rest of the week. God willing.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The best way to start your day

It's 10.20 p.m. right now, so it's a safe bet that no one will be checking for updates around here until tomorrow morning. With that in mind, what better accompaniment to your cereal and OJ than a Lance Sitdown with professional regurgitator Stevie Starr!

Stevie takes a break from his global traveling and TV appearances to do the college rounds every fall and he's always a good time, so for any of you who missed him the last time he came round, enjoy, and catch him if we're lucky enough to have him return to ye olde U of W.

Enjoy your Wednesday, Windsor!


Ready for the Before and After

Well, it was certainly a fun couple of months, Windsor, but it is unfortunately at an end. The days of pancakes for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch and Pizza Hut for dinner, with maybe a bag of Doritos or pint of Ben and Jerry's for dessert washed down with a few cans of Coke are now behind us.

Lady Trail has thrown down the gauntlet: the change is a coming. We are both trying to be healthier.

To be fair, I need this a lot more than she does, but it was her idea, she never forced me to go along with it. But I figure perhaps enough is enough. When you're desperately clinging to the privelege of shopping at Old Navy, and even those clothes are starting to feel tighter, it's maybe time to take the steps.

So, under the watchful eye of the Lady [who has done this thing before], I'm now chugging my water and checking my food labels. Even at this early stage The Trail has realized a couple things about himself.

For one, he's learned that he cares more about being able to eat a lot of it more than if it tastes good. Oreos are clearly more delicious than a salad, but I'd be more successful eating a big salad than a couple of cookies. Don't waste my time with that.

Secondly, The Trail will work out. It has to be low impact, because he feels some strain on his knees lately and is terrified of blowing one out, but he will work out: walks, climb the stairs in his building, never mind the 8-hour workout that is a shift in CTC 195's warehouse. He will work out. But he will never. EVER. Muster any enthusiasm for it. Working out is not fun. Playing Final Fantasy is fun. Organizing my Dunnys is fun. Buying more Dunnys is fun. Working out is work, it's right there in the title, and work is not fun.

So I will take that walk or climb those stairs, but don't effing talk to me while I'm doing it, because chances are I'm very angry, and nothing gets the heart rate up like rage.

But this is an important change to make, Windsor. Especially these days. You never know who might be newly divorced and checking you out.

And now, I'm gonna sit on my ass and watch House. Work til 5 tomorrow, Rose City. I'll holler at you tomorrow night.

Watch the election!

The State of the World

When we come back, Windsor, we come back strong.

Seven men facing gang sexual assault charges
Seven men, six from Leamington and one from Kingsville, all aged 23-25, are facing kidnapping and sexual assault charges stemming from a Sept. 17 incident in Leamington.

No details of the case are being released, as they're all subject to a publication ban, but the lawyer for the seven said he "can't wait," to get to trial.

Cases of this nature are never good for any of the parties involved, so here's hoping the legalities resolve themselves quickly. The seven men have all been conditionally released pending their next court date, on Dec. 7 in Leamington.

University a woman's world
Now, when I was covering the weekly news beat, Windsor, there would be talk sometimes about the gender gap at universities, but it was usually concerning the lack of women in some programs like computer science or engineering.

Turns out that's the exception, as by and large young women outnumber men at university, accounting for 58% of undergraduate students. Which is why I have to pay close attention whenever I walk through the student centre cafeteria.

The comedy unfolds tonight
Don't forget the midterm elections in the States are going on as we speak [with headaches, glitches, and harassment already being reported]

So pop some corn and pull up with The Daily Show/Colbert Report special tonight on The Comedy Network at 11 tonight and watch the hilarity ensue.

Maybe there will be at least one reason to smile tomorrow morning.

Nice to see The Windsor Star continuing to get usage from slain Windsor nurse Lori Dupont, this time in a weeklong investigative series.

Now, here's the thing. I know Dupont's ex-husband, the father of her child. He would come into the CTC in Amhertburg sometimes. That pure tragic little girl the media liked to remind you of? I helped her pick out some waterwings or a trampoline or some other such thing. So maybe that's why I'm a little irked by this, I don't know, but I know I'm irked. How many times do they have to trot out that one picture of Dupont they have so they can toss it on the cover?

According to the 'About' section, reporter Doug Schmidt worked on the story for a year, to "shed light on the many unanswered questions," and they are legion, to be sure. But could that be done without constructing this manipulative narrative about the days leading up to Dupont's death, or are you just parading her body through the streets to make a few bucks? This is one of those 'cover the facts vs. sell the papers' arguments I'm glad I don't have to deal with.

At any rate, good job, Windsor Star! Milk that corpse for all she's worth!

Monday, November 06, 2006


Nothing like looking forward to a day off when you get told there's some orientation "I should be at," tomorrow at 9.00 a.m.

Hmm, a CTC orientation for the guy who worked at a CTC for three years. Oughta be thrilling. Didn't I say I wasn't going to badmouth the job?

Seriously, what does it mean when it feels like my feet are splitting apart at the sides for most of a shift. I find it hard to believe it's a simple matter of breaking the shoes in. Not like it matters, looking at the ol' bank statement tonight, weekly income again will be nice. I really don't want to think of the bills I have to pay in the next coupla weeks. Grown-up is awesome.

After work, though, the Lady and I made our way out to finally see Borat. And while I only laughed hysterically at one spot [if you've seen it, you know, if you haven't, you'll know when you see it], I did laugh consistently throughout the entire flick. And I honestly don't remeber the last time a movie did that.

In other news, our Southern neighbours hold their breath as tomorrow's midterm elections get set to unfold, with the Deomocrats hoping to win either a Senate or Congressional majority at least, to try and put some sort of legislative check to the Bush Administration. If the can't get it done, I honestly don't know what would have to happen for the American people to give George some sort of small wake up call.

And maybe that's where these two topics dovetail into each other. You've seen the clips on the Borat trailer where he goes to the rodeo, sings the national anthem, all that. There's a scene before that where Borat is speaking with the manager of the rodeo, who's giving him some sartorial tips on how to not be mistaken for a terrorist. And as I'm laughing at this somewhat painful scene, I'm thinking, "This is why George Bush got re-elected."

The fears that the Republican party preys upon are still widespread in middle America, and at the end of the day, when you balance the signal to noise, all the yelling comes from the left and right hand side of the map. There's a really large chunk in the middle, and it would seem that chunk never really gets represented. And they're the ones who will make the call tomorrow and set the path for how things in the world may progress for the next two years.

And that's why I write about American politics so much.

Sacha Baron Cohen gives us comedy that makes us think. What a concept!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Day of Rest

Sorry Windsor, life's been hectic. I promise I'll get all this figured out soon.

So before The Trail ever got to Kingston, Lady Trail got the digital cable hooked up [this was deemed as mandaory by the both of us] and splurged on an upgrade that got us some premium channels. This is the 'Showcase Package,' I guess, as we get most of the Showcase channels: Diva, Action, Scream. We also get the Independent Film Channel and the weird one of the bunch, Drive-In Classics.

Drive-In Classics is a network that plays nothing but the crappy movies that were shown predominantly in drive-in theatres. For you young'uns, those were movie theatres you drove your car into, parked, and watched the movie in your car. You listened to it either through a speaker you hung over your window, or by turning your radio to a certain station. I remember going to one once in my life, so there was one in Essex County at one time. Points to whoever can remember that one.

Anyway, the movies shown in drive-in theatres were typically....substandard. Monster movies, kung-fu, blaxploitation, that sort of thing.

Now granted, perhaps I might have preferred whatever package would let me watch the COOL channel and G4TV, but tonight Windsor, The Trail loves his cable package for one reason and one reason only.

Drive-In Classics played this:

Oh hell yes. Frigging Dolemite. If you don't know, click. I think this may mark the only time D'Arcy will be jealous of how I spent my weekend.

And now to bed.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The State of the World

Friday's news is like pulling teeth, apparently.

Afghan mission could last another decade
Major-General Ivan Fenton, a Canadian soldier and NATO's assistant chief of operations for international military staff, said yesterday that military operations in Afghanistan will last another 10 years.

Fenton said the biggest factor would come down to the strength of the Afghan military and police force, which is struggling for enrolment since the pay is a fraction of what an enterprising opium farmer can earn.

Minister resigns amid gay sex allegations
Ted Haggard, pastor of Colorado Springs' New Life Church [and staunch opponent of gay marriage] has resigned from his duties after former escort Michael Forest spent the last couple of days giving interviews alleging he had done crystal meth and had gay sex with Haggard monthly for the past three years.

Church officials were quick to point out that Haggard's stepping down should not be interpreted as an admission of guilt, but rather an adherence to church policies, which mandate an outside party conduct any investigation into allegations made against church leaders.

Said Haggard, "I am voluntarily stepping aside so that the overseer process can be allowed to proceed with integrity. I hope to be able to discuss this matter in more detail at a later date."

Late yesterday the Associated Press reported that Haggard's replacement as pastor admitted some of the allegations were true, but did not say which.

I don't want to talk about this anymore
Okay, so John Kerry [the guy Bush beat in the last election] screwed up a joke he told to a group of college students in California while out campaigning for the upcoming midterm election in the states. Long story short: Kerry was badmouthing Bush, saying he had been in Texas the day before, and how Bush used to live there but now lives in the state of denial. Oooh, burn.

Kerry went on to say how the trip had reminded him of how awesome education is. To wit:
"If you make the most of it, if you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart you can do well. If you don't, you can get stuck in Iraq."

A hack on Bush, yes. Taken out of context, it reads like Kerry is calling the troops in Iraq stupid. And that's exactly what the Republicans have done, and like little yipping dogs the media has been all over it for the past two days.

Granted, it was a damn stupid thing to say, and taken out of context is extremely easy to misinterpret [sorry, Keith], but the way the media and the Republicans have put the blinders on and now believe that a guy who served in Viet Nam would be so stupid as to insult American troops makes my stomach turn. I defer to Colbert:

"Of course the Senator tried to explain it all away saying he was actually making a joke about the President, but he just botched the joke by leaving out the word us. But I'm not buying it...where would you put the word us? If you don't make an effort to be smart, you get us stuck in Iraq? Does anyone understand that? Excuse me, is Lewis Carroll in the house? I think I've got a new line for Jabberwocky."

Seriously, when you're a big time TV news broadcaster prattling on about this inconsequential shite, what's going through your head? I hope it's wondering how your life became this.

In lighter news
Nine lies your mother told you, shattered by science. Damn you, science. You mean birds won't explode if they eat uncooked rice? Awww, man!

The Evening Standard

Still nursing my aches after my premier day at CTC Kingston Centre. If you think I'm going to badmouth it, you clearly didn't see the story on bosses Googling their employees I posted lost week. So I'm not going to badmouth it. If my body doesn't crap out on me completely, it'll be sufficient. Now sign ma cheque.

This entry will be a combination 'The State of the World' and 'The Flotsam.' make of it what you will. I'm just a shotgun with both barrels loaded with content, ready to shoot it all over your face, Windsor.

I like that, we should run a house promo in the next issue with that.

--As a new owner of an adorable black cat, I sincerely hope that if this incident was caused by Hallowe'en pranksters, they are tarred and feathered before being drug through the streets, hung up and gutted.

--I don't know who made it happen, but Harvey Pekar will be in town as part of BookFestWindsor. Harvey's the closest thing to a legend as indie comics has, and his autobiographical book 'American Splendor' is an institution, even getting made into a movie starring Paul Giamatti a few years back.

Pekar will be having a lecture and a signing from 2-4 p.m. this Saturday at the Art Gallery of Windsor [2nd Floor]. Best part? It's totally free. Harvey's wife and occasional co-collaborator Joyce Brabner will also be in attendance. Honestly, Windsor, I'm having a total geekgasm over this one. All you so-called artists in the Rose City, you would be wise not miss this opportunity. Seating is limited.

--How sad am I that Bob Barker will be retiring from The Price is Right this spring? Wasted weekday mornings will never be the same.

--This week I've seen Borat on Conan, Letterman AND The Daily Show. This is a formula for backlash. Especially since he repeats the same joke on every stop of the press junket. But hey, Lady Trail and I just introduced his comedic stylings to three people this week alone, so perhaps Fox was right in scalingback the number of screens the flick will be on, since nobody still seems to know who he is.

--Prince. Three times a week. One more reason to go to Las Vegas.

--The indispensable Popwatch also tells us that the Wachowskis have committed to their next project: a Speed Racer remake. Which seems so right in so many ways I can barely begin to articulate them.

And with that, I feel dead to the world all of a sudden, Windsor. I suspect you'll have to make do with that until I can muster a real update in the morning. Man, this whole 'actually working for your money' thing sucks a truckload of ass.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Two apologies, neither you want

#1. I'm sorry, Windsor. I know you depend on your twice daily intervals. Update one, sometime before noon. Update two, sometime before midnight.

But I'm afriad the streak comes to an end tomorrow, Windsor. The Trail got himself a day job, and he's gotta be there for 9 a.m. tomorrow. And since he's been spending most of his time in this chair for the past month, he should probably get up a little earlier to try and stretch the old muscles up a bit. So that, unfortunately, won't leave much time to get any updates done before about 6.00 p.m. tomorrow evening.

As for what I'll be doing? Well, as The Bard said, "Meet the new boss / Same as the old boss." I'll be at the local CTC, hauling boxes and doing some manual labour and warehouse work. Not glamorous, but it's a living. So hopefully I can make it through the day tomorrow without them deciding to can my fat ass.

So while you wait, all you fairweather readers, why not take the time to get caught up? Watch the videos, read the archives, listen to the music, all that.

#2. I'm sorry, Windsor. But The Lance will never apologize for anything. The mess discussed this afternoon is not of our making, so we're as likely to apologize as the student council or pub management. And as far as being provocative for the sake of selling papers, umm, the paper's free. So that one doesn't really work out.

And I'm out. See you tomorrow evening.

ZOMG!: Enjoy prostitutes? Come to Windsor!

This one stirred up some...spirited responses on the Windsor Users Livejournal community. It's a promotional film [of sorts] for our beloved Rose City.

I know who made it, but for the life of me, I just don't know why it was made. I mentioned on an old podcast last year that as the Superbowl hype was in full swing, embracing the seedier side of the city's image could be a good thing. I still believe that. The word needs to get out, but it needs to get out to people with money to spend, not drunken teenagers from Indiana who cross the border looking for $2 well drinks.

Anyhoo, recent texting from a contact at the dress code forum indicates that civility was rapidly breaking down. Look for more on that later tonight.

The State of the World

Hello to all of our weekly visitors who drop by during what I like to call 'the Wednesday spike,' where traffic sharply increases due to the new issue being out. Hope you had fun at the dress code debate.

And if you see this before 12 noon and you want to argue about the dress code, get to the CAW Centre commons NOW!

Still need some creepy?
One of the things I was trying to mention when my internet sh*t the bed yesterday was that before 'Six Feet Under' made it trendy, Michigan author Thomas Lynch wrote a critically acclaimed collection of essays called 'The Undertaking,' about his life as a funeral director. And then I mentioned that the Humanities Research Group was bringing him in for a reading, tomorrow night at 7.30 in the Freed-Orman Centre.

Then I think I yelled at you for never taking advantage of all the cool stuff you have the opportunity to enjoy at your university. But I might have been drunk, don't take it personal.

From the 'broken record' file
Hey, did you know the UofW has an image problem? You should, they've been chirping about it for the last three years. But now there's scientific proof! Well, as scientific as the Globe's University Report Card can get.

Long story short: Windsor scored a B+ on the quality of education, but a D for academic reputation. But any report that has a sample size than some school's enrollments is dubious, which is what critics have said of this study since it started a few years back, but it'll catch ink in the dailies, so that's all that matters.

How'd that sound, good? I've got good practice from getting comment from the admin whenever one of these reports comes down every year.

NDP talking big on environment
NDP leader Jack Layton is telling the Conservative government to make changes to its environmental legislation, or he'll introduce a confidence vote into the House, which could dissolve Parliament.

It's doubtful things will play out that way, though. Layton's been taking some heat from the Liberals and the Bloc who think he's backing away from Kyoto commitments, and since most agree this Parliament won't make it past next year's budget anyway, they'll likely just wait til then.

Besides, no one wants to let the NDP take the lead in anything. ^_~

Al-Jazeera launches English broadcast in weeks
Al-Jazeera, the only television news network originating from the Middle East [headquarters in Qatar] will launch an English version of the network on Nov. 15.

Al-Jazeera is somewhat controversial in the eyes of some, since anytime someone like Osama bin Laden wants to get the word out, they typically do it by dropping a tape on the doorstep of the network, which has no problem airing it as is. This sort of thing gets the network charged with anti-American bias; they say they only want to deliver the news from a non-Western perspective.

Fox News oughta love this.

From the Oops file
Ever wonder, while you're watching the daily bad news from Iraq, just where these insurgents are getting their weapons from?

Turns out that in some cases [almost 15,000] they're getting weapons from the Americans.

It's not new that the U.S. was arming Iraqi defense forces in the interest of making them self sufficient. What is new is that the Pentagon has no idea what happened to 14,030 weapons that were supposed to go to those same defense forces. Assault rifles, machine guns, grenade launchers, you know, that kind of stuff.

Granted, Iraq's a big country and there's lots of things to remember and keep track of. One would hope that frigging guns would rate high on the prioritized list of things to remember, but who am I to judge? The Paper Trail, that's right!